The Three Docs

Ok so over the last few days I've had some time to watch a few movies I got through Netflix. All three were documentary related. One was a movie about making a documentary. One was a documentary about a joke, and the last one was a documentary about a man and grizzly bears. So seeing how I'm feeling too dumb to actually write something I'm going to review them. Who's opinion do you trust more than mine?

Exactly.

Let's get started.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

I love Wes Anderson and every movie he's ever been involved in. Ask me my favorite movies of all time and titles like Bottle Rocket and Rushmore are included every time. The Life Aquatic did not change any of this. While it's not my favorite of his films, it still made me laugh repeatedly. Bill Murray went from being funny on SNL and in movies like Ghostbusters, and Stripes in his early career, to just downright brilliant in everything he does now. Owen Wilson is great in this too. Jeff Goldblum scared me, but then again Jeff Goldblum always scares me. I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley somewhere. He just gives me the feeling he'd try to do things a lot worse than mugging me. Willem Dafoe is great as a German crew member fiercely loyal to Zissou. (Murray) Anyway the premise of the movie if you don't know, is Zissou's lifelong partner is killed by the Jaguar Shark. His once brilliant documentary career is fading, and he meets Owen Wilson who may or may not be his son. Wilson joins his crew as they go to find and kill the Jaguar shark that killed Zissou's best friend. In all reality the plot is background music. This movie is about the characters, and luckily they're terrific. If you haven't seen it, see it.

The Aristocrats

Ok, so I'd heard a lot about this movie. It is a documentary about an inside joke between comics for a long time. The premise simple. A guy walks into a talent agents office and tells him he has a great act for him. It's a family act. Then the talent agent asks for a description, and the comic just ad libs the most disturbing, foul act he can think of with the family. There's a lot of shitting, fucking and sucking in the jokes. Then at the end the Agent asks what they're called and the punchline is "The Aristocrats!" It's a horrible joke. The only point of it is it is a great way to evaluate a comic. So over 100 comedians are interviewd and all give their take on the joke, and their favorite renditions. It's pretty funny at times. Highlights include Sarah Silverman, Bob Saget, and I like Martin Mull's alternative version of the joke. All in all though there was a lot of dead air in it for me. Some of the comics just sucked at the joke, and to be honest, you can only hear so many comics describe fathers defecating on their sons before it loses its shock value. So where as I didn't hate it, I didn't love it either. This is one of those movies where you don't mind seeing it, but you aren't really missing anything if you don't.

The Grizzly Man

Without question this is the funniest documentary that I have EVER seen. Only problem is that it's not intended to be funny at all. The unintentional humor is off the charts though. There were times when I was watching it that I swore it had to be fake. Like a Daily Show sketch or something. I was waiting for Will Ferrell to pop out of a bear costume at any moment.

It never happened though.

The documentary is about Timothy Treadwell. A guy from Malibu who for 13 years spent his summers in Alaska among grizzly bears. When I say among grizzly bears, I don't mean like 300 yards away either. I mean petting them on the nose, and yes, even punching one in the face at one point. Somehow the bear ran away. Which made me wonder "What happens when the grizzly bears see this movie? That bear is going to be torn a new one. He got beat up by some insane blonde guy. That's like being a high school junior, and going to pick up your little brother in kindergarten, and promptly getting your ass kicked by the kindergarten bully. It's not good for your rep."

I think a lot of stupid things though. I found that this happens a lot while watching this movie. The truth is Treadwell is certifiably insane. I don't mean goofy or eccentric either. I mean fuckin nuts. Of course living alone in Alaska among bears probably does that to a guy. Treadwell looks nothing like you'd expect either. I was expecting some bearded mountain man. Instead I got a surfer guy from Malibu with a lisp.

The humor never stops either. At least not for me. Whether its the morticians eyes lighting up as if he's performing a musical when describing the body parts of Treadwell and his girlfriend (Treadwell would have visitors occassionally for obvious reasons. That being he might be able to pet the bears, but couldn't have sex with them. His girlfriend picked a bad time to visit.) Oh did I forget to mention he dies? Well he does, but it doesn't spoil anything. In fact it's the point of the movie. He and his girlfriend get eaten alive one night. There is no footage, but there is audio. The audio is not in the film though for obvious reasons. As I was saying though the mortician LOVES talking about this tape. You half expect him to break into a song and dance. Then there is Treadwells ex girlfriend recieving his wristwatch from the mortician.

"It still works. We found it on his arm."

"It's all we have left of him!" says his ex bursting into tears.

His ex was also his partner in The Grizzly People. A foundation consisting of the two of them. Bet ya can't guess what they did.

There are tons of other hilarious parts of this documentary, but I don't want to spoil the whole thing. There was the part though when one of the bears pooped, and well...Treadwell loved it. He loved everything. You'll find that out when you see it.

"That's her poop!!" he says as he touches it "It just came out of her. I can feel its warmth. It's her gift to me, it came out of her. It's her life."

Not making that up either. (Though it may be off by a word or two. But the gist is there.)

Without directly ordering you to do anything, you HAVE to see this movie. There are only two ways you can feel after it, so it's win win.

1. You will either enjoy the documentary for what it is.
2. You will laugh your ass off

You can't lose. Rent it. Buy it. Just see the damn movie. It's my lock of the week!!!

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

My Friends on South Park

Ok. Well you've already seen my South Park character, but I had to make some for my friends. So I present them to you all.

Silvio

The Leemer

Billy

Kevin

Marty

JoeyMac

Panger

Gonna Have Some Fun With This

Expect characters of all my friends in the near future. We will start with me though.

Don't Believe The Hype!

Well let's update things since we last met shall we?

I've officially gone on break from poker for a little while. I don't know how long, I just don't want to be anywhere near a poker game, virtual or otherwise. I will play in my tournament tomorrow night, but that's it.


I was unable to get Sox tickets for Opening Night like I hoped, so that sucks a bit. I really wanted those damn tickets. Opening Day is still over a month away, but it feels so much closer. It's gonna be a long month. Thankfully the NCAA basketball tournaments will be starting soon, so that will keep my sporting interests. I'm sorry, but the Olympics and the ass kicking of America just don't keep my interest. For example Finland just kicked America's ass in hockey. I told you!! VIVA LA FINLAND!!!!! There is the World Baseball Classic starting in about a week. I have developed a great theory about it too.

It's a government conspiracy. Seriously. (Or not.)

The timing of the tournament has been complained about since the start, but thanks to the Olympics I finally figured out why. The WBC is gonna be a every 4 year deal thing, just like the Olympics. Coincedentally (actually not coincedentally) it is in the same year as the Winter Olympics and begins right after the Winter Olympics end.

Why?

Cuz America sucks in winter sports. As a result we look bad to the rest of the world. Remember the Olympics have long been an unofficial measuring stick for which country is the shit, and who sucks. So something had to be done. The US Gov't and MLB figured to start the WBC, cuz baseball is America's sport and we have a pretty good chance to win it and prove our dominance over the rest of the world. That is why it's right after the Olympics. So instead of dwelling on the fact we just got our butts kicked in the Olympics we can quickly say "Did you see the way we destroyed Sudan last night!!!?? Man we rule!"

I'll watch anyway. Just cuz I like the baseball, and well real baseball doesn't start til April. Need something to bridge that gap.


Speaking of baseball, I just finished reading The Summer Game which I'd mentioned in a previous entry. It was a very good book that I thoroughly enjoyed. Gave me a glimpse into baseball during the 60's that I can't get on ESPN Classic. Being absolutely in love with everything baseball right now I've also just started reading Ball Four by Jim Bouton. For those who don't know Bouton was the original Jose Canseco. Not cuz he did the roids, but because he published a book that told of life inside baseball. The stuff that fans generally don't get to see. I'm about 100 pages into it and I find it very entertaining, well written, and hilarious. It's not just a baseball book either, it is a life book. My favorite part of the book so far has been the essaying on the art of Beaver Shooting. (Beaver Shooting is kinda like Peeping Tomism. It involves looking up skirts and such. No Beavers are actually shot, so leave me alone PETA.) Apparently Mickey Mantle wasn't only the best player on the field, but one of the best Beaver Shooters off it.


In other news I bought that Notre Dame Tom Zbikowski jersey. That's it. I've promised myself I would stop for a while. Great deals are great deals, but if I buy 100 jerseys I'm not exactly saving money anymore.


Also for those waiting on chapter 2 of The Sugar Chronicles, I have bad news. It's kinda been postponed. I'm working on another project of actual importance (read: I may actually get paid for it) and have decided to put all my "creativity" into that. I'll probably keep you informed of how that goes though, and if I'm ever just sitting around and the story pops in my head, I will go for it. I already know where I want to go with the rest of the Chronicles, but just haven't put thoughts to paper. I assure you it's all gold though. One day you'll find out.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

How To Waste A Thursday

Hey everybody.

For the first time in 2 weeks I finished a day of poker with more money than I started it with. Still, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I played in 5 multi-table tournaments today, and reached the final table in 4 of them. I finished the day up $9.80. That kinda sums things up for me poker wise. Hell if it wasn't for the $10 45 person sit and go I just finished 3rd in I would have been 3 for 4 in Final Tables and DOWN $62. There are some signs of encouragement though. In the sit and go I just finished, I won races, and even pulled a hellacious suckout on another player. We both got our money in on the flop with a pair of jacks, but he had an Ace kicker, I had an 8. Then I hit runners and ended up with a Q high straight to knock him out. That is the kind of thing that has happened TO me lately, not FOR me. Also for the first time that I can remember a pocket pair of mine somehow managed to survive a race against two over cards when my 99 beat a KJ. I was shocked! So hopefully these are trends that will continue, and maybe the math is finally balancing itself out. Please balance out.

In other news my run on football jerseys on EBay continues as I bought another one today. I got a LaDainian Tomlinson Chargers jersey for $25 (with shipping). I was pondering getting the powder blue Chargers jersey, cuz well, they're badass, but I just wasn't sure that I could wear powder blue. It just doesn't fit me. Pretty soon I will embark on my rap career. (Shit...shoulda gotten the powder blue) Also I have my eyes on a Notre Dame Tom Zbikowski authentic jersey, but that auction still has a few days left on it. After I get that one I'll probably stop for a while. I hope.

I have to get up kind of early tomorrow cuz White Sox tickets go on sale at 9AM. I want to get Opening Night tickets for my dad and I. I'll get a couple others too cuz I figure Kevin will want to go, along with Joe, Marty, or the Leemer. I definetely want to bring my dad though, cuz I wasn't able to get any tickets for him during the playoffs last season and I felt guilty. He took me to so many White Sox games as a kid, I figure it's high time I returned the favor. I mean without him I might have been a Cubs fan or something. He's the only member of his family who was a White Sox fan, hell no one on my mom's side is a Sox fan either. Thank God somebody had some damn sense. So here's hoping I can get some for the Old Man.

After I get the tickets (power of positive thinking) I gotta go to work all day. I may go out tomorrow night, but honestly the fact I have to work EVERY Saturday morning puts a cramp on my social life for Friday nights. I really don't enjoy going into work hungover anymore. Though did I ever? Well I guess what I mean is, I can't really get away with it like I could when I was 18 or 21. I had no idea things started going downhill so fast. I'm only 25 for Christ's sake, but I get hangovers now if I have like 4 beers. It's annoying as all absolute hell. I come from a crew of guys who had 4 beers in their cereal every morning. Ok, so that's stretching it a lil, but you get the point.

Let's see...what else what else what else........oh yeah. I updated my sports column today. If you want to read it feel free to click on this link right hurrrrrrr. Other than that, have a good one.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Congratulations Panger

You're a winner now!

$281.60 for her Victory

Roger Ebert Is My Bitch

Well, I recently just signed up with NetFlix. So as valuable filler material I will now be reviewing movies. Netflix is good for me cuz there are tons of movies I usually want to see, but never do, and I'm too lazy to go to a video store and rent them. Then after I rent them I'm too lazy to return them. So Netflix is good.

Anyway the first movie I got was Anchorman. I wanted to see it, but just never did. Now I have, and well, it was ok. Not exactly good, but I mean it could have been a lot worse. At the same time though it could have been great. There were so many places it could have gone, but didn't. There were still enough stupid laughs to get me through it though. I would write a longer review, but well, I have to go to work.

So I guess I'll have to go with.....

Anchorman Kept It Real:Average.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Gimme the Poz

Ok, so I bid on this jersey. Here's hoping I win it. Right now I'm in first at $31....for an authentic jersey thats pretty nifty.UPDATE: I won the auction at the low low price of $36, which is still pretty nifty in a groovy far out kinda way. Special thanks to the Mighty Panger for keeping an eye on it for me while I toiled at work. Also special thanks to Vic for letting me know that ridiculous deals for jerseys could be had at the EBay. I mean seriously, this thing would cost in the $180 range retail.

Viva La Finland!!!!

I'm extremely lazy lately when it comes to writing on my blog aren't I? Sorry about that. I'm just a very busy boy lately with work. Plus there's just not too much on my mind that I feel the need to write about. I've been reading a pretty good book lately that Panger got for me. (Thanks Panger.) It's called The Summer Game and its written by Roger Angell. He's a writer for The New Yorker. It's basically a collection of pieces he wrote on baseball during the 1960's. So far it's been a pretty interesting read, and I recommend it to any true baseball fan.

Also yesterday I bought a new cell phone. I don't need a new one, but dammit it's been a while since I treated myself to something totally unnecessary and cool. Plus with the mail in rebate I get it was only $50. I can dig that.

Other than all that let's see.

I've had a horrible run at poker lately, and am now somewhat convinced that the "Cash-out Curse" is totally real. I withdrew a pretty large sum of money from my Full Tilt Poker account a few weeks ago, and have been getting absolutely reamed ever since. Panger said it's just my confidence and mind set that have been killing me. I say confidence and mindset have absolutely nothing to do with my Aces being cracked by literally any two cards repeatedly, and idiots sucking out on me. I'm in that horrible space where I can't beat bad players, and I can't beat good players. It sucks. My online bankroll hasn't been this low in a long LONG time. 2006 has sucked ass so far poker wise.

Work is still work. My boss was on vacation all last week, so at least it was a little bit more relaxed around the place. I got my hair did. My barber cut it a little too short for my liking but it's ok. He gave me an orange. He also told me that he was gonna leave the front a little longer so I could spike it cuz "All the young girls think the spiky hair is sexy now." (You have to hear it in his old country Italian accent to really appreciate the humor in that comment.) So my barber is giving me free fruit and trying to get me laid, so I got THAT goin for me...which is nice.

Well, I don't have much else to say, and there's this thrilling contest between Finland (my new favorite Winter Olympic country. AMERICA SUCKS!!!!! Bring it George. I ain't scurred.) and Switzerland. It's now 3-0 Finland. Women's hockey is sorta neat!!! I just wish they'd get into fights and pull each other's hair and pull the jersey's over their heads. Not cuz it's necessary for hockey to be good, but cuz I'm a male chauvinist pig.

Keepin It Real Since 1980, (4-0 FINLAND!!! FINLAND FUCKING RULES!!!!!!)
Tom Fornelli

Catch Up

Well I'm fully recovered from my bout this weekend with Asian Bird Ebola Hanta virus. I think I'm about 15 pounds lighter now too, so I can't really complain. Really though since Sunday not a thing has happened. I've had to work Monday night, Tuesday night, and Wednesday night. So I haven't had any real time to do anything. Today I'm gonna go get my hair did and stuff like that. I'm starting to get a lil shaggy, and that's just not the look I'm going for here.

For those waiting on Chapter 2 of the Sugar Chronicles I PROMISE I will have it written next week and posted no later than Thursday. I swear. I just haven't had any time recently, and the time I did have was spent sick. I promise though that even if I have to write the story at work on the company dime I will get it done within 7 days. Then in April I'll post Chapter 3.

Anything else pops into this pretty head of mine and I'll post. To keep all those minds of yours cranking here is a new feature I might actually keep on this blog.

QUESTION OF THE DAY!!

List your Top 3 list of people you want to have sex with. If you're married pretend your spouse wouldn't care. Just the Top 3 people you have not had sex with that you would like to have sex with.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom Fornelli

Super Bowl Diary

Well loyal readers for the last few days I have been pretty sick. In fact out of a 36 hour timespan I was sleeping for 27 of those hours. About 4 of the 9 hours I was awake were spent in a bathroom. Flu's flat out suck. I was getting horrible stomach cramps, I was very cold, like freezing. I was lying in bed last night with a dago T, a long sleeved tshirt, a hoodie, and sweatpants, under 2 blankets, with a space heater on, and SHIVERING. For a while I thought I was going to die, and was hoping I would. I was just completely miserable.

Being as dedicated as I am though I figured I still owed you all an entry. But what? I didn't really want to share with you all the lovely details of my flu cuz they're not really lovely at all. Maybe I could have written chapter 2 of the Sugar Chronicles? No. I had such a horrible headache that the last thing I wanted to do was be creative. So I'm stealing a page from one of my favorite writers (and by stealing a page I mean blatantly ripping off), Bill Simmons. When Simmons has to write something and doesn't feel like thinking, he kinda just keeps a journal of the event. Well tonight was Super Bowl XL. I kept a journal of the game as I watched it at home alone in my room. Now I'm going to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it.

(All times are Central)

5:12 Holy crap. Aaron Neville has a big old tattoo of a cross on his left cheek. Does he think it will distract people from the hideous mole/gremlin on his eyebrow? I can't even watch the National Anthem for fear of nightmares. I'm watching some WPT marathon.

5:19 When the hell did Harrison Ford become a pirate? I can't be the only one with this thought process after that Dr. Suess commercial thing.

5:48 There was a lot of talk the last 2 weeks about how physical the Steelers are, and they were going to punish the Seahawks. Well at this point it looks like Seattle is the more physical team. The Seahawk O-Line is dominating the Steelers front 7 rightnow.

5:52 The Diet Pepsi commercial with Puff Daddy is scary true. I mean seriously, that's the state of the music industry right now. A can of Diet Pepsi could sell a million records with the right producer as long as MTV brainwashed the kids into thinking it was cool. Also what's with Diddy endorsing DIET Pepsi? Is that how they do it in the hood? I mean is THAT keepin it real? "Yo, I bust rhymes and caps, but I also watch my weight by drinking Diet Pepsi bitch!"

5:54 How long until the Steelers corners cover Darrell Jackson? I mean he has like 5 catches in the first 3 plays.

6:07 Is there EVER a good kick/punt return without a holding or a clip? It's the Super Bowl, the refs need to calm down with these flags before they cost somebody this game. I mean Warrick had Seattle at Pitt's 40, and now the refs backed em up to their own 25.

6:14 ATTENTION Jerome Bettis has finally taken the field. He's from Detroit ya know.

6:21 Dove Self Esteem Network!? Are you fucking kidding me? Is the Super Bowl being shown on Lifetime now? Seriously, who at Dove thought that the Super Bowl was the right place to reach their core audience? Also the one girl that thinks she's ugly, well there's a reason for that, she is. (Somebody had to say it.)

6:23 Just saw Bill Cowher on the sidelines looking worried for the first time in my life. Relax Bill. It's early in the 2nd quarter.

6:25 Ouch!!! Did you see Randle El on that punt return? He basically face planted into the turf and then got bent over backward from behind. When they cut to commercial he was writhing in pain. I hope he's ok, cuz well, I want him on the Bears next season.

6:26 Tim Allen IS the Shaggy Dog. The plot of that movie seems like something they would make up on a South Park episode. Did Tim Allen sell his soul to Satan or something? Oh....Disney....close enough.

6:34 Are you kidding me!? 3rd and 28 and Ben completes that pass to Ward at the 2!? That's friggin nuts. Talk about a huge play. The Roethlisberger Boner is making it's first appearance on the night.

6:40 The Roethlisberger Boner has reached full capacity. Guess who had $10 on Big Ben to score the games first TD at 17/1 odds? Thats right, me. $170 bay bee!!

6:51 Is this Seattle's first time ever running a 2 minute drill? WTF are they doing? Calling audibles as the clock is running down to 11 seconds. You gotta pick a play and go Matt. Also I need a Seahawk FG to make the halftime score 7-6 cuz I have that square in a pool, and I would like another $100 please.

6:53 God Damn you Josh Brown. Though technically it's Holmgren or Hasselbecks fault. I mean 54 yards isn't exactly a gimme is it?

6:54 Half time. Seattle 7.5 Pittsburgh 7......um I mean Pittsburgh 7 Seattle 3. (Can you figure out where my real allegiance lies in this one yet?)

7:00 Nothing against the Stones, but I'm watching the Simpsons at halftime. They are both kinda similar when you think about it. I mean both are way past their prime, and they're just sticking around for the money. I just haven't seen this Simpsons episode yet.

7:30 Finally the 3rd quarter. That's what I truly hate about the Super Bowl. Halftime is way too long.

7:32 Well I guess we just found out why they call him "Fast" Willie Parker didn't we? Super Bowl record 75 yard TD run. That's a helluva way to start the second half now isn't it? Seattle needs to answer.

7:38 Can you think of a better name for a Fullback than Mack Strong? How bout a better name period? Seriously. He must get so much tang. I mean he just has to say "Hey baby. My name is Mack. Mack Strong." and panties just hit the floor.

7:41 Am I the only one that thinks Seattle should punt instead of the 50 yard FG attempt? I mean Brown just missed a 54 yarder, and Pitt has a lot of momentum. Do you really want to risk giving them the ball at midfield?

7:42 Fornelli 1 Holmgren 0

7:52 Kelly Herndon saves the day!! What a huge interception and return (Super Bowl Record 76 yards) Seattle HAS to get a TD out of this or they are DONE.

7:54 And they do. Jerramy Steven's drops first downs, but catches touchdowns. Still, I haven't heard Joey Porter's name much. Stevens 1 Porter 0.

7:57 There's 7 minutes left in the 3rd Quarter and John Madden hasn't said "Whap!" or "Boom!!" yet. Must be saving them all for his Hall of Fame induction speech.

8:00 The Seahawks are averaging one lost defender for each play they are on the field. Pretty soon Brian Bosworth is going to have to come in. (It's pretty sad that the only former Seahawk defender I can think of is the Boz huh?)

8:07 It's almost the 4th quarter and I'm still waiting for a big play from one of the Samoan Sensations. (Polamalu and Tatupu) I need Tatupu to do something big so I can tell Silvio I was totally right in thinking he should have been Defensive rookie of the year over Shawne Merriman. (I'm still right about that BTW. The Chargers D blew their season, while Tatupu carried his teams defense. Even John Madden just compared him to a young Mike Singletary.)

8:20 Seattle has a horrible habit of committing really costly holding penalties on big plays. It is KILLING their drives.

8:21 Just saw the replay, but yet saw no holding. Remember what I said about refs costing a team a chance?

8:22 Ike Taylor pick! Seattle is just totally blowing this game.

8:27 Gotta love those gadget plays!! What a great call, at the right time there. Hines Ward has never been so open in his life, and perfect throw by the former Hoosier QB Randle El. Also not 5 minutes ago it was about to be First and goal on the one for Seattle and a 17-14 game. Now it's 21-10. Momentum is a bitch!

8:40 $20 says Pittsburgh doesn't throw another pass in this game.

8:42 Ok, I didn't say it, but it was implied that shovel passes don't count.

8:47 I could REALLY use a Seattle TD right about now.

8:50 First down Roethlisberger on what appears to be a broken play. This game is over, but I COULD STILL REALLY USE A "MEANINGLESS" SEATTLE TD ABOUT NOW.

9:00 Ok. WTF are Madden and Michaels talking about goin for the Field goal now. Wasting precious time? Ok fellas which of these scenarios is more likely. Score a TD now, and then have about 15 seconds after recovering an onside kick to move 30 yards into FG range? OR Kick the FG now, and have 25 seconds to drive at least 60 yards for a TD? I'm thinking the first option would be the "easiest."

9:02 GG Pittsburgh. Congratulations and all that jazz.

9:10 Bettis just announced his retirement, and it seems I should end this journal now too. When's training camp open!?


Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Hooah Bar Review

We will look at the main components of the Hooah Bar, and rate as such.

• Cost: For me it was $1. HOOAH!!
• Taste: Like rubberized chocolate. hoo blah
• Energy: Like I had just snorted 10-15 lines of coke. HOOAH!!!!
• Steady Energy: It lasted for around 3 hours, but then I crashed. hoo blah
• Desire to fight terrorism: Reached an all time high. Even after I crashed energy wise, I still kept thinking bout killin me some terrorists. HOOAH!!!!

So as a recap, the Hooah Bar is a lot like our actual military. It will help/force you to get out of a rut, but only for a little while, and then you are on your own.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

Hooah!!!

New product alert! Well maybe it's been around for a while, but this is the first I've seen or heard of it, so it's new to me. The U.S. Military has a new weapon to help fight terrorism around the world!

The U.S. Military needed an energy bar for the toughest customer in the world, the American soldier. No bar on the market was up to the challenge. So the military created the HOOAH! bar. It's mission:Deliver STEADYENERGY (tm) and alertness

I'm not 100% sure, but I think our military was inspired by the favorite breakfast cereal of Nazi Germany Gestap-O's.

Anyway I bought one to try tomorrow morning before work. I'll give a full report on how well it worked tomorrow. If today was any indication, I'll need the thing tomorrow. I have no idea why but I'm just tired. Not yawning, need to go to bed tired either. Like Life tired. I didn't feel like doing anything today. Im at 11 of 10 on the Lethargic Meter. Hooah!!!

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

10 Things I've Learned Lately

1. If baseball were played with a mini Nerf football I would be the greatest pitcher EVER. I now have both a curve and slider that each move in both directions. You try to hit it, then I hit you with a splitter that drops 4 feet as it crosses the plate.
2. I like Kanye West, I didn't think I did before. Well I still don't like him being on the cover of Rolling Stone as Jesus. Not cuz I'm religious, and not cuz he's black. Because it's only to cause controversy and help sales.
3. Having my pocket Aces lose to a 24 suited tilts the hell out of me.
4. DON'T DOWNLOAD PORN. You never know what you might end up with.
5. Cats like the taste of DVD's, cuz my sisters sure did enjoy chewing on my Wedding Crashers. Don't worry, it's chew proof. It still works.
6. 1 Hackeysack for a buck is a waste of money, but 2 for a dollar is a must buy.
7. I already knew, but have been reminded this week just how much the 2 weeks between the conference championships, and the Super Bowl is like heroin withdrawal.
8. Losing things is fun, cuz then you get to find them.
9. You can actually bet on the Lingerie Bowl PPV thing they do at halftime of the Super Bowl.
10. First chapters of really retarded insane fictional stories are easy to write. Chapters 2-?, not so much.