Sunday, February 05, 2006

Super Bowl Diary

Well loyal readers for the last few days I have been pretty sick. In fact out of a 36 hour timespan I was sleeping for 27 of those hours. About 4 of the 9 hours I was awake were spent in a bathroom. Flu's flat out suck. I was getting horrible stomach cramps, I was very cold, like freezing. I was lying in bed last night with a dago T, a long sleeved tshirt, a hoodie, and sweatpants, under 2 blankets, with a space heater on, and SHIVERING. For a while I thought I was going to die, and was hoping I would. I was just completely miserable.

Being as dedicated as I am though I figured I still owed you all an entry. But what? I didn't really want to share with you all the lovely details of my flu cuz they're not really lovely at all. Maybe I could have written chapter 2 of the Sugar Chronicles? No. I had such a horrible headache that the last thing I wanted to do was be creative. So I'm stealing a page from one of my favorite writers (and by stealing a page I mean blatantly ripping off), Bill Simmons. When Simmons has to write something and doesn't feel like thinking, he kinda just keeps a journal of the event. Well tonight was Super Bowl XL. I kept a journal of the game as I watched it at home alone in my room. Now I'm going to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it.

(All times are Central)

5:12 Holy crap. Aaron Neville has a big old tattoo of a cross on his left cheek. Does he think it will distract people from the hideous mole/gremlin on his eyebrow? I can't even watch the National Anthem for fear of nightmares. I'm watching some WPT marathon.

5:19 When the hell did Harrison Ford become a pirate? I can't be the only one with this thought process after that Dr. Suess commercial thing.

5:48 There was a lot of talk the last 2 weeks about how physical the Steelers are, and they were going to punish the Seahawks. Well at this point it looks like Seattle is the more physical team. The Seahawk O-Line is dominating the Steelers front 7 rightnow.

5:52 The Diet Pepsi commercial with Puff Daddy is scary true. I mean seriously, that's the state of the music industry right now. A can of Diet Pepsi could sell a million records with the right producer as long as MTV brainwashed the kids into thinking it was cool. Also what's with Diddy endorsing DIET Pepsi? Is that how they do it in the hood? I mean is THAT keepin it real? "Yo, I bust rhymes and caps, but I also watch my weight by drinking Diet Pepsi bitch!"

5:54 How long until the Steelers corners cover Darrell Jackson? I mean he has like 5 catches in the first 3 plays.

6:07 Is there EVER a good kick/punt return without a holding or a clip? It's the Super Bowl, the refs need to calm down with these flags before they cost somebody this game. I mean Warrick had Seattle at Pitt's 40, and now the refs backed em up to their own 25.

6:14 ATTENTION Jerome Bettis has finally taken the field. He's from Detroit ya know.

6:21 Dove Self Esteem Network!? Are you fucking kidding me? Is the Super Bowl being shown on Lifetime now? Seriously, who at Dove thought that the Super Bowl was the right place to reach their core audience? Also the one girl that thinks she's ugly, well there's a reason for that, she is. (Somebody had to say it.)

6:23 Just saw Bill Cowher on the sidelines looking worried for the first time in my life. Relax Bill. It's early in the 2nd quarter.

6:25 Ouch!!! Did you see Randle El on that punt return? He basically face planted into the turf and then got bent over backward from behind. When they cut to commercial he was writhing in pain. I hope he's ok, cuz well, I want him on the Bears next season.

6:26 Tim Allen IS the Shaggy Dog. The plot of that movie seems like something they would make up on a South Park episode. Did Tim Allen sell his soul to Satan or something? Oh....Disney....close enough.

6:34 Are you kidding me!? 3rd and 28 and Ben completes that pass to Ward at the 2!? That's friggin nuts. Talk about a huge play. The Roethlisberger Boner is making it's first appearance on the night.

6:40 The Roethlisberger Boner has reached full capacity. Guess who had $10 on Big Ben to score the games first TD at 17/1 odds? Thats right, me. $170 bay bee!!

6:51 Is this Seattle's first time ever running a 2 minute drill? WTF are they doing? Calling audibles as the clock is running down to 11 seconds. You gotta pick a play and go Matt. Also I need a Seahawk FG to make the halftime score 7-6 cuz I have that square in a pool, and I would like another $100 please.

6:53 God Damn you Josh Brown. Though technically it's Holmgren or Hasselbecks fault. I mean 54 yards isn't exactly a gimme is it?

6:54 Half time. Seattle 7.5 Pittsburgh I mean Pittsburgh 7 Seattle 3. (Can you figure out where my real allegiance lies in this one yet?)

7:00 Nothing against the Stones, but I'm watching the Simpsons at halftime. They are both kinda similar when you think about it. I mean both are way past their prime, and they're just sticking around for the money. I just haven't seen this Simpsons episode yet.

7:30 Finally the 3rd quarter. That's what I truly hate about the Super Bowl. Halftime is way too long.

7:32 Well I guess we just found out why they call him "Fast" Willie Parker didn't we? Super Bowl record 75 yard TD run. That's a helluva way to start the second half now isn't it? Seattle needs to answer.

7:38 Can you think of a better name for a Fullback than Mack Strong? How bout a better name period? Seriously. He must get so much tang. I mean he just has to say "Hey baby. My name is Mack. Mack Strong." and panties just hit the floor.

7:41 Am I the only one that thinks Seattle should punt instead of the 50 yard FG attempt? I mean Brown just missed a 54 yarder, and Pitt has a lot of momentum. Do you really want to risk giving them the ball at midfield?

7:42 Fornelli 1 Holmgren 0

7:52 Kelly Herndon saves the day!! What a huge interception and return (Super Bowl Record 76 yards) Seattle HAS to get a TD out of this or they are DONE.

7:54 And they do. Jerramy Steven's drops first downs, but catches touchdowns. Still, I haven't heard Joey Porter's name much. Stevens 1 Porter 0.

7:57 There's 7 minutes left in the 3rd Quarter and John Madden hasn't said "Whap!" or "Boom!!" yet. Must be saving them all for his Hall of Fame induction speech.

8:00 The Seahawks are averaging one lost defender for each play they are on the field. Pretty soon Brian Bosworth is going to have to come in. (It's pretty sad that the only former Seahawk defender I can think of is the Boz huh?)

8:07 It's almost the 4th quarter and I'm still waiting for a big play from one of the Samoan Sensations. (Polamalu and Tatupu) I need Tatupu to do something big so I can tell Silvio I was totally right in thinking he should have been Defensive rookie of the year over Shawne Merriman. (I'm still right about that BTW. The Chargers D blew their season, while Tatupu carried his teams defense. Even John Madden just compared him to a young Mike Singletary.)

8:20 Seattle has a horrible habit of committing really costly holding penalties on big plays. It is KILLING their drives.

8:21 Just saw the replay, but yet saw no holding. Remember what I said about refs costing a team a chance?

8:22 Ike Taylor pick! Seattle is just totally blowing this game.

8:27 Gotta love those gadget plays!! What a great call, at the right time there. Hines Ward has never been so open in his life, and perfect throw by the former Hoosier QB Randle El. Also not 5 minutes ago it was about to be First and goal on the one for Seattle and a 17-14 game. Now it's 21-10. Momentum is a bitch!

8:40 $20 says Pittsburgh doesn't throw another pass in this game.

8:42 Ok, I didn't say it, but it was implied that shovel passes don't count.

8:47 I could REALLY use a Seattle TD right about now.

8:50 First down Roethlisberger on what appears to be a broken play. This game is over, but I COULD STILL REALLY USE A "MEANINGLESS" SEATTLE TD ABOUT NOW.

9:00 Ok. WTF are Madden and Michaels talking about goin for the Field goal now. Wasting precious time? Ok fellas which of these scenarios is more likely. Score a TD now, and then have about 15 seconds after recovering an onside kick to move 30 yards into FG range? OR Kick the FG now, and have 25 seconds to drive at least 60 yards for a TD? I'm thinking the first option would be the "easiest."

9:02 GG Pittsburgh. Congratulations and all that jazz.

9:10 Bettis just announced his retirement, and it seems I should end this journal now too. When's training camp open!?

Keepin It Real Since 1980,


Joey Mac said...

the shaggy dog is a remake. even old ideas are stupid.
Now I did not care about the superbowl teams this year, but I of course watched, and was dissapointed. When I do this, I usually wait for one team to start winning, and then cheering for the other one. Neither team played well. Big Ben threw a lot of errant balls, including a straight up horrible pick in the red zone. Hasselback did the same thing from a little further out. What was really the ugliest part of the game though was the special teams of the Seahawks. They seemed to punt every punt into the endzone, and get a block in the back penalty on every return. In a sloppy game like this one was, pinning a team down, or playing with a shorter field can change the outcome. This really played like a game between two 8-8 teams, and not the superbowl. Two missed field goals are forgivable because of their long distances, but they were from long distances because the Seahawks had no idea how to run a two minute drill. They didn't get out of bounds, they didn't hike quickly, and they got dumb penalties all game. Bad football on the biggest stage. I don't want to say it, but it reeked of poorly coached teams.

Anonymous said...

they should have kicked the FG with :53 left when the clock was stopped at the 31 yard line. i think thats when madden and michaels first brough this up, not when there was 30 secs left.

anyone who has ever played video football games understands this concept sir tom. even your idol bill simmons mentioned it

hope you feel better


Fornelli said...

True. I forget how much real football is just like video game football.

Anonymous said...

have to score twice, and you cant put time back on the clock

can you?

Fornelli said...

No, but it's easier to go 25 yards in 15 seconds for a FG than it is to go 60 in 20. Also in Madden the computer doesn't put 7 guys in the endzone and 2 at the 10.

(Word verification says FSUSCREP. Sounds like FSU is crap to me, don't tell OTJ.)

Anonymous said...

read the first line of my first response on this page...i think you have some of the times mixed up. they definetly had a chance with much more than 20 secs left to kick a FG