Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Yankee Fans are Insufferable Douchebags

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douchebag: noun.-An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of friends and colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.

So many things I could talk about from last night's 6-5 White Sox win over the Yankees in 11 innings. I could get overly optimistic and write about how the dramatic victory will propel the White Sox to win 20 out of their next 22 and chase down those Detroit Tigers.

I could write about how Jermaine Dye came through in the clutch, yet again.

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Maybe I could wax poetic about the moment Paul Konerko hit that game-tying (season saving? oops, wait, said I wouldn't go there) 9th-inning home run off of the greatest closer to ever play this game.

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Or the fact that the Sox closer Bobby Jenks turned into the long man last night goin 2.2 IP and only giving up one hit while striking out five to keep the Sox in it.

All would be worthy subjects but I'm going to talk about none of them. In fact, I'm not going to talk about anybody who played in the game (except for A-Rod) at all.

Nope, I'm going to talk about

One type of douchebag in particular. The A-Rod Hating Yankee Fan Genus of douchebag.

I don't have a problem with fans getting on a player's case when he's not performing, especially when that player is making $27 million this season.

But I do have a problem when it's completely unwarranted.

This is a typical day for A-Rod, the most hated man in baseball: he gets booed more than Barry Bonds and Brett Myers. The former, a world class asshole and suspected cheat, the latter, a wife beater and a Phillie.

The catch is A-Rod gets booed more at Yankee Stadium than anywhere else.


Cuz Yankees fans are douchebags, that's why. They claim he isn't clutch, yet he leads the Majors in game-winning hits and RBIs this season. Sure he may not do it in as dramatic a fashion as David Ortiz but they all count the same. So was I surprised last night when on some message boards and sports blogs I see comments like this?


"Fuck A-Rod. That looked like as much effort on the foul ball that he put into slapping [Bronson]Arroyo."

What this DB Yankee fan is referring to is a foul ball Jermaine Dye popped up down the left field line in the 11th inning. A-Rod was unable to catch the ball, and it irked this DB.

This DB has apparently chosen to ignore the fact that A-Rod had to run about 210 feet with his back to the plate in foul territory of a park he's unaccustomed to notorious for its crazy wind patterns. Most visiting outfielders hate playing at US Cellular due to the wind.

Also, he ignores the fact that, even if A-Rod had been able to get to the ball, he would have had to make the catch over his shoulder basket-style a la Willie Mays.

And let's forget to ask where the hell Yankee left fielder Melky Cabrera was in all of this. He had the easiest play on the ball but gave up on it when he thought it was well into the seats, but there are those crazy wind patterns again. So since A-Rod never gave up on it and made an actual effort to get to the ball, he's blamed for it dropping.

And, of course, when Dye hit the game- winning single 2 pitches later, A-Rod is quickly blamed for the loss. I'm sure it had absolutely nothing to do with Johnny Damon essentially rolling the ball in from center field trying to "throw" out Tadahito Iguchi. Seriously, how many hops can one throw make? I counted 18.

Let's look at what A-Rod did throughout the rest of the game to cost the Yankees a win.

He went 3-3 with 2 walks, a home run, a run scored and 2 RBI.His home run came in the 4th inning to give the Yankees a 4-3 lead right after Alex Cintron put the Sox ahead in the bottom of the third. Another one of those meaningless A-Rod home runs that don't mean anything, huh, Yankee fans? All it did was steal any momentum the Sox had and put you guys in the lead. What an asshole.

Then in the 8th inning with Jeter on second and Abreu on first, A-Rod singled up the middle off of Mike MacDougal and would have given the Yankees a 5-4 lead if Jeter wasn't held at third. Of course, it's A-Rod's fault Jeter was held too, I'm sure. Jason Giambi would come up next and lean into a pitch to give the Yankees a 5-4 lead.

Now here's the biggest crime of the whole thing. Giambi is a hero at Yankee Stadium. Keep in mind this guy is an admitted steroid user who, after a horrible season, started using HGH to build his body back up and is now a hero for his courageous comeback story, receiving standing ovations constantly. Did I mention he's batting .254?

Are you starting to see why I hate Yankees fans?

A-Rod singlehandedly keeps the Yankees in the game and he's an asshole. Jason Giambi leans into a pitch with the bases loaded, probably after shooting a gallon of HGH into his ass and he's a hero.

No Yankee fan will mention that Jeter went 1-5, Johnny Damon 0-5, or that Jorge Posada went 0-5 with 4 left on base. Nope, all they want to talk about is A-Rod.

Posada and Jeter get carte blanche cuz they have the rings. Well, here's a wake up call to all you stubborn, ignorant Yankee fans still living off of your World Series heroes.

The following teams all have a shorter World Series "drought" than you:

  • Chicago White Sox
  • Boston Red Sox
  • Florida Marlins
  • Anaheim Angels
  • Arizona Diamondbacks

That's right. One team who hadn't won one in 88 years. Another who hadn't won one in 86 years, and happens to be your mortal enemy. Two teams that weren't in existence fifteen years ago(the Diamondbacks weren't even around 10 years ago), both of whom beat your Yankees doing it. And finally, a team that doesn't even know where in the hell they even play anymore.

But keep on living in the past, you douchebags. It's probably A-Rod's fault you haven't won in six years, too.

What really makes you all douchebags is I don't like A-Rod either but here I am having to defend him against you a-holes.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

1 comment:

Zooks said...

[yawn[ F baseball [yawn]

Bring on the boobies, damnit.