Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Seriously I feel like John Bonham is playing in the front part of my skull, while Keith Moon is drummin away at the base of my skull. Those that know me generally know that I am not a big fan of going to doctors. Well it's gotten so bad that on Thursday I'm actually caving in and going to see one. I'm praying it's just a sinus infection. Though if it is that doesn't explain why my entire head is hurting. So I'm a bit worried there may actually be something wrong with me. I literally cannot remember what it feels like to NOT have a headache. As I sit here typing this I have a heat pack strapped to my forehead and vapo rub right above my lip. It's kind of helping. Whether it's helping or not though, at least I look stupid. That's what really counts.
Anyway I'm gonna go back to my bed and lay down. Hopefully I don't die. If I do say something funny at my funeral.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Monday, November 28, 2005
Brought to you by
Alex Brown. He is killin people man!!! Look at Chris Simms over there. I bet you he just pooped himself a little. Chris Simms is having nightmares about Alex Brown right now. If Alex Brown wasn't hitting him, he was knocking down his passes. Alex Brown had more passes defended yesterday than some Cornerbacks do in an entire season. The last two weeks him and Adewale Ogunleye have been destroying offensive lines. The rest of the Defensive line isn't exactly slacking, but it just feels like every single play you hear Alex Brown's name. I love me my Chicago Bears right now. 8-3 with a 7 game winning streak. Most people picked them to go 6-10. Most people picked em to finish last in their division. Today they sit comfortably in first. Ahead of a newly resurgent Viking team, an old decaying Packer team (Gnite Brett!!), and a Lions team that just fired their head coach today. Don't worry Mooch. I'm sure you'll get another job somewhere, as like a QB coach.
Todays quote of the day comes from professional poker player Mike Matusow. Some of you may know him from this year's World Series of Poker coverage on ESPN where he finished 9th. Others may just already know him. Either way I was playing with him yesterday and the two of us started talking about our feelings.
"I farted and it felt good. I felt it, it was feelings."
Mike and I had a good time playing poker together. I think we really bonded. Well now it's time for me to start getting ready for work. Oh Joy.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Saturday, November 26, 2005
As I mentioned earlier I spent yesterday sitting on my ass. Playing online poker a lot does tend to make a person do this. Sitting on your ass though isn't healthy no matter how much money you make. So luckily enough for me today I present to you
We now have an elliptical machine in the Fornelli household. This is a VERY good thing. In fact I just got off of the thing right before I started typing this entry. Ok so I toweled off first, but you know what I mean. Ran the equivalent of 2 miles uphill and now I'm friggin beat. So I'm a bit out of shape, but I figure that since I just recently quit smoking, I should be able to go longer soon. Hell I already notice a difference now that I quit smoking. Yes I was tired after 2 miles but I didn't NEED to stop. When I was smoking there's no way I could do that.
Technically today there are two boners, but the elliptical gets the coveted "feature." My dad made a soup from the turkey leftovers and other veggies and shells. Tastes like happy. Not only can the Old Man make a mean bird, but he also knows what to do with what's left. Kudos to you sir.
Other than that not much. I hope everybody had a good holiday. I myself am in the middle of my 3 day weekend, and I'm enjoying it very much. Hopefully I can win $7,500 later today and even more tomorrow. (I also qualified for a $216 buy in $60,000 guaranteed tomorrow.)
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Thursday, November 24, 2005
A special thanks to Aaron Rowand though. Thank you for playing baseball here in Chicago these last few seasons and giving me the chance to watch you do it. Thank you for being one of the key reasons the White Sox won the World Series. Whether you were saving games with your defense, or winning them with your big hits all year, I'm thankful you were there. Cuz without you it never happens.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
I've cooked up a couple of new features for this blog that I'm going to start experimenting with tonight. The first one of these is called Today's Boner. It goes a little something like this.
Todays Boner brought to you by
System of a Down's newest album, Hypnotize, came out today. I have already listened to it twice. It's the follow up to this summer's Mezmerize and is the bands 5th release. I truly love this band. I mean they could fart into a microphone repeatedly and I would think it was brilliant. If you already enjoy System of a Down then I expect you either have the album or are planning on getting it. I say good for you. If you haven't heard System of A Down check them out. They are truly a dying breed in the music industry since they create original music. Ask a music insider who they sound like and their mind will explode trying to find an answer for you. Not to mention the political content that drives most of the songs. These boys have a conscience. If you have heard S.O.A.D. (It's the cool new way to say System of a Down.) and don't like them, well I suggest you kill yourself now. You obviously have no hope in life. Stop taking precious space and oxygen away from people who deserve it more than you.
The next segment is basically just a Quote of The Day deal. It can be anything I heard someone say, I said, or I read that just made me smile or laugh. Since it's the first day I've decided to go with two entries. The first one I had in mind when I first read it this morning, and the second one is something I just wrote that I found to be hilarious and I wanted to share it with you. So let's get to it shall we?
"What's the difference between chili and Northwestern? It's a trick question actually seeing that they both give you hellacious gas, but Northwestern does not belong in a bowl."
It was found in the comments on the McCahill Family Blog. I have a link to it over there on the right. If you have time check it out. They are a truly unique and hilarious family. The next quote of mine is a response I wrote to a Canadian talking smack about the US Navy.
"Canada's idea of an armed fleet is a pontoon loaded with a 12 pack of Molson Ice."
Seriously Canada, watch yourself. I don't know if you noticed but America has a President right now who has absolutely no problem with invading other countries. Keep talkin that smack and he will come after you. We do need space after all as things are getting rather crowded here. Plus let's face it, it would barely take us a week before we had absolute control of your country. Don't take this as my own personal American bravado, but as a friendly (Canada has a lot of hot chicks. I like hot chicks.) warning. I don't want it to happen, ok I do a little, but it could. Watch yourselves.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Monday, November 21, 2005
Well Marty Mac demanded photos, and he's going to get photos. I present to you, ladies and gentlemen of the interweb, my friends! In picture form!!!
There's BillyB!!! Don't be fooled by this picture as BillyB is a very attractive man. Why if I wasn't completely straight I would have sex with him at the drop of a hat. I might still! BillyB is the eldest of two boys in his family. Twenty-five years old, he enjoys long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and anal penetration. Give him a chance and he will surely offend you with one of his many off the cuff observations about your overall "Suckitude."
n Irishman, Kevin. Kevin is a man of many talents. Unfortunately for him nobody knows what they are yet. He is one of my most accomplished drinking buddies. He is also a White Sox fan. A very rare feat in this group of friends of mine. He also introduced me to an entire new scope of music I probably would have never found. So I guess I owe him a thank you. Keep waiting bitch, cuz I ain't saying it. Here you can see Kevin in his natural state. Beer in hand and look of confusion on face.
What a horrible picture. Next we will move on to the Irish portion of our segment. We shall start with the Senior Drunk, I mea
Next we will move on to Kevin's younger brothers Marty and Joey Joe Joe. Joe, or Tiger, is the older of the two, but the most pre-pubescent looking. What he lacks in weight and pubic hair though Joseph more than makes up for with humor. One of the funniest people I know Joe is always quick to fire off an amusing anecdote about absolutely nothing. He has that Stephen Colbert-like ability to make the most mundane intricacies of life seem absolutely hilarious. Did you know that Joe has a very large and black hair on his torso named Shaq? There's a $5 bounty on it. He also is not afraid to sit on your lap and molest you while you are trying to put the moves on that girl you're interested in. Joe is in the middle of three on this pic. He is flanked by Marty and Kevin.
Marty is the artist. A singer/songwriter/origamist Marty also has what it takes with the ladies. He has seen more female ass than most public ladies room toilets. Also like everybody else in his family Marty is incredibly funny. He also stands up for what he believes in and is not afraid of anyone or anything. In fact I once saw Marty take on an entire fraternity cuz they were discriminatory against Italians and fat chicks. Being an Italian myself I've always respected and appreciated his efforts in helping my kind be accepted by the mainstream culture here in America. Here's a picture of Marty fighting crime. Notice him letting evil know what they're in for by covertly flipping the bird.
Next we move onto The Leemer aka Kaleemula aka Loco Katie aka Kaleem Nazir. What is there to say about The Leemer? The Leemer moved here to America a few years ago in pursuit of a dream. A successful camel racer back in Pakistan, Kaleem craved the competition of an unknown frontier. This passion for competition led him here to America. Unfortunately on the voyage here Kaleems prize racing camel, Spitty, died of herpes. Yes I know what you're thinking. "Herpes isn't fatal." No it isnt, in humans. However it is the number one killer of camels, just ahead of suicide bombings. Devestated by the loss, but determined The Leemer forged on. Camel racing is yet to catch on here in America, but Kaleem is hopeful. To pass the time The Leemer spends his days sleeping on couches of other family's and eating all their food. When not sleeping on your couch, or eating your food he can generally be found shitting on your toilet, or having sex with an underage girl in your bed. The Leemer however is one of the most hospitable people I have ever known as evidenced by this photo. He's never one to turn down a request and will always help out a friend in need. No matter the personal cost or danger involved. A true friend in every sense of the word.
Finally we're going to move on to my friend and fellow Italian Silvio. Whether you're callin him Dago, or Sly DelVecchio he's always willing to tell you you're wrong. He is also probably the hardest worker in the bunch. He would probably be the first to tell you that he may not be the "smartest" of the group, but yet he has gone farther in school than any of us, and with better grades. As if that weren't enough he could beat the crap out of all of us. When not fighting with his girlfriend, or immensely enjoying his own farts he can be found on stage somewhere playing bass in his band Carrion Rogue. Silvio is also considered the wise sage by many in the group. It's well known that when facing a problem Silvio is the one you seek counsel from. As if he didn't have enough on his plate as a Grad student/Rock Star/Life Guru Silvio also recently confided in me his newest dream. To be the Italian Michael Flatley. I have no doubt that with his sheer will and determination Silvio will be Pasta Dancing around the world in no time.
Ok now that we're done with that we will get back to our regularly scheduled programming. I really didn't do much at all today. Played some poker. If you want to read about that go to my poker blog. I also wrote a sports column and if you want to read that you can go to my column. The links to both are over there on the right of the page.
Also if you remember from my last entry I bitched about the Bears getting no respect. Well sure enough I'm watching Monday Night Countdown on ESPN tonight when this came up. Stuart Scott was asking the three analysts, Tom Jackson, Michael Irvin, and Ron Jaworski, if teams could make it to the Super Bowl. He asked if the Bears could. Jackson said yes, but he had said yes to every team cuz he felt it would be ridiculous to say any team couldn't at this point. (Well of the teams they asked about.) Irvin and Jaworski said no way. The next team they asked about was the Carolina Panthers. All three said yes. Maybe I took the brown acid again but I swear I just saw the Bears manhandle the Carolina Panthers yesterday.
The History Channel could be the most addicting channel ever. I watch it all the freaking time. Even when it's about stuff I was never interested in before. I kid you not I watched 4 hours of programming the other night about Alaska. The place looks beautiful, and I'd kinda like to visit but the History Channel as assured me it would mean certain death. Right now is a show talking about the Battle of Britain in World War II.
My sinuses are starting to bother me again so I guess I'm gonna have to start takin the Claritin again. Oh well. I'm just now realizing I missed watching the Daily Show writing this entry and am very angry at myself.
Thanksgiving is this week and I shall be working from 9-5. Afterwards my Dad will be cooking dinner so I will be eating with the family. I have thought about barging in on the McCahill's Thanksgiving dinner, but I don't think I will for fear I will be crucified on their blog after.
I really have absolutely nothing else to say. Of course if you've read this entire entry your thinking I never had anything to say to begin with. You'd be right too.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Sunday, November 20, 2005
"Hey Bill!! Kevin!! Look who's here!! It's Bridget!!!"
I then reveled in watching them both squirm throughout their conversations. I know it was Kaleem's birthday but I want to thank him for giving me that gift. A lot has changed since we last saw Bridget cuz she now has 2 kids.
The bar was ok itself. I had been there before for Silvia's birthday last year. Beer was expensive though, but that's to be expected. One thing that annoyed me though was the fact the had Miller Lite, but not Miller Genuine Draft. How the hell do you have one and not the other? I don't want to pay $4 for a lite beer. I want all the alcohol in me I can get. Seeing how Salud is a tequila bar I bought Silvio and Kaleem tequila shots (got Bill one too, just cuz he asked me not to.) I really wanted some Old Grand Dad Bourbon like we had on Friday at Brauer House. Unfortunately they didn't have it. Though they dont have MGD, so why would they have Grand Dad?! If you haven't heard of Old Grand Dad or drank it, it can be described in this following quote from Brauer House owner Steve Brauer himself.
"I used to drink that stuff. Well until I started pissing
That's good stuff.
Today was lovely though cuz the Bears beat the SHIT out of the Carolina Panthers. Ya the final score was only 13-3 but the game was not that close. I mean our defense dominated them. Carolina came into the game averaging 27.7 points a game. They BARELY got 3 against us. Also there was all this talk about how great their defensive line was, and that they would just drive Kyle Orton insane. Well Orton had about 15 minutes to throw the ball everytime he dropped back. The Panthers D-Line didn't get a single sack. The Bears D-Line? They only got 8. I'm telling you this defense reminds me of the Ravens from a couple years ago, and yes the 85 Bears. They aren't as mean as that 85 team was, but they are more talented. If they got a mean streak in them they'd be amazing.
I'm watching Sunday Night Football on ESPN and the announcers brought up a good point. Why is it that on all these shows on the NFL, and on ESPN where they talk about Terrell Owens (WHO'S NOT EVEN PLAYING) 10 hours a day, does nobody mention the Chicago Bears? They seriously get absolutely no respect from anybody. I think this week may change that, but to be honest I don't mind the fact they get no pub. The White Sox didn't get any publicity this year either. All they did was win the World Series.
Anyway, I'm going to go watch the rest of this blowout football game, and maybe just go to bed. I'm off of work tomorrow cuz of the holiday on Thursday, and I need sleep. Now seems just a good a time as any to get it.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Also Penn State won the Big 10 today!!!!!!
Fuck yes bitches. Where are all those people that wanted to fire Paterno last year at now?
Monday, November 14, 2005
Then there are the 2 leagues that mean something to me. Both are on CBS Sportsline. There is the team I share with my boy BillyB, Swamp Nutz, and my other team, Killed For Less. This is Billy and I's 5th year in the American Fantasy Football League. It's a tough year. Injury after injury is killing us. No matter what we do, it doesn't work. This week for example we entered at 3-6 but only 2 games out. We made some trades in a last ditch effort to produce victories. We got Cedric Benson for Antonio Chatman, and traded our stud Torry Holt for Joey Galloway and Jimmy Smith. The trades appeared to be working for us, at first. Cedric Benson was tearing up the 49ers defense until he had his leg rolled up on. Next thing we knew he was being carted off the field. He had already gained 50 yards, and was within scoring range at the time, and appeared to be just warming up. Yet again we were bitten by the injury bug. Jonathan Wells a midweek pick up off the waiver wire worked out for us. He started for our original RB Domanick Davis who didn't play DUE TO INJURY this week. He got 75 yards and a TD for us. So that worked. Joey Galloway joined are team and showed us why we wanted him right away collecting 131 yards and a TD. Awesome. Byron Leftwich, our backup QB, showed why we drafted him to use on Drew Brees' bye by throwing a long TD score as well. Another move I made during the week was picking up Kicker Matt Stover. Our kickers were both stuck on disappointing offenses and not scoring. Matt Stover has been the Ravens entire offense this year and has racked up a decent amount of points. Points were at a premium for us, especially in this win or our seasons done week. So I tried something. I put Stover in and took Ryan Longwell out. Result? Stover scored 4 points. Longwell scored 21. We lose. All that shit we did during the week and we lose on that? Fuck you fantasy football.
Now this brings me to Killed for Less. I bought this team in a league full of people I don't know. It cost $40. (Swamp Nutz is $125 a season.) Killed for Less is the complete opposite of Swamp Nutz. I can do absolutely no wrong in this league. I have a stacked roster, and am by far the highest scoring team in the league. Of the 10 weeks (including this week) played so far I have been the high scorer 7 times. As a result I sit at 8-2 with a comfy lead in my division. This week though I figured to suffer a letdown. My main beast Ladainian Tomlinson was on the bye, along with my other starting Running back Rudi Johnson also being off. So I had to pick up to RB's off the scrap heap to fill in. I was fully prepared to lose. I got Greg Jones of the Jacksonville Jaguars and Samkon Gado from the Packers. Result? Jones 19 points, Gado 28. See what I'm talking about? I can start my mother at QB next week and she will somehow find a way to get me at least 25 points.
It's totally frustrating to me. I'm not even enjoying the fact that Killed For Less is killing people cuz of Swamp Nutz. Swamp Nutz is and always will be the one of my teams that truly matters to me. Now I have to deal with basically just playing out the string in these last 4 games. Bill and I aren't gonna quit, and were not gonna try to lose on purpose so we can get first pick next year. We're gonna do everything we can to win and try to fuck up somebody else's season. That's all we can do. Killed For Less will probably go on to win the championship in my other league, and don't get me wrong, that would be nice. Just not as nice as a victory for Swamp Nutz would have been.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Donna drunk dialed me the other night and left me a voicemail. I called her back and left her a voicemail. We've been playing phonetag ever since. I really was happy to hear from her cuz I had'nt in a while and she is one of my Top 3 People of all time. Now if I could only TALK to her.
@ray texted me this afternoon while I was at work with
"Tom, how do I get out of detox?"
I replied with
"Either sober up or startI'm not sure what he did, but he is out of detox now. I'm completely shocked this is his first time.
I have a huge game tomorrow in my main fantasy football league. For those who don't know my boy BillyB and I own a team called Swamp Nutz. At this point were 3-6, but only 2 games out of first place. We just pulled off some trades this week that we hope will do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to help us win. First we sent Antonio Chatman packing to the Victimizers (Vic LeBron) for Cedric Benson. We needed an RB this week, well any week cuz the ones we've had this year just suck. Plus he's a Bear so I'm rooting for him twice. Then in a big, and somewhat risky trade we got rid of fantasy stud Torry Holt. Ya he was like our entire offense when he was healthy but man do we need depth. So we sent him to the Kingsmen (Mike King) for 2 WR's Joey Galloway and Jimmy Smith. Jimmy Smith has an extra bonus in that he's on the same team as our QB Byron Leftwich, so if they hook up for some TD's this week it's 2 times the points for us. Of course Drew Brees will be our starting QB again starting next week. If we lose this week I think it's safe to say we can start preparing for next season's draft.
Ya that's about it at this point.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Monday, November 07, 2005
I'd love to go on some long brilliant rant that is typical of me (hahahaha) but it hurts to think right now. My brain is throbbing, and I'm dehydrated so you will get nothing from me. I will be staying home tonight and watching Monday Night Football. I got $20 riding on it. Ya, Im a baller.
Hope you all don't feel as shitty as I do right now.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Speaking of Mindfreaks. There is a new trend in Hollywood these days, and it's not Kabballah. No it's insanity. Take for instance Rocky Balboa aka John Rambo aka Stop or His Mom Will Shoot. Sylvester Stallone is planning on making a Rocky VI. I beg you Mr. Stallone please don't. Don't tarnish the legacy that is the brilliance they call Rocky V. Is Sly that desperate to be famous again? Has he thrown away all his money or something on new plastic for his face?
Remember me? I used to be somebody.
Did anyone see Rocky V? Remember how god awful it was? Exactly. Why does anyone feel there is a need for a sixth Rocky? How could they? It's sad. Sly's insanity pales in comparison to our next Mindfreak.
Saddam? Is that you? Wait a minute....MEL GIBSON!? What the fuck happened to you? What's this about some new movie you plan on working on, its called Apocalypto? What the hell is that about?
"What I'm doing is making an action-adventure film of mythic proportions."
All right sounds cool. Until you get to the part that the whole thing is going to be done in a Mayan dialect thats been dead for hundreds of years. Also it will star a bunch of Mexican actors nobody has ever heard of. Sound like a familiar formula? It's a lot like Mel's last project The Passion of the Christ. There is one large difference Mel forgot to take into account though. A majority of the people who go see movies on this planet are Christian. So they are willing to go see a movie about Christ even if it's in a language they don't understand cuz it's a story they already know. Something tells me that there just aren't enough Mayan's left on the planet who are going to be to into this. At least Mel is financing this thing on his own.
Fuck the movie though Mel, SHAVE. Look at you. How much poon tang are you losing out on now with that look? What happened to Riggs man? He got any damn chick he wanted. None of the ladies are gonna wanna sleep with you now. Ya you are still Mel Gibson but you don't look like Mel Gibson. I can get more action than you right now. Seriously Mel come back down to Earth. Either straighten up and fly right or I'm gonna tell Panger that the next time she sees you to run you down in her Mini Cooper. (Don't even get me started on those god damn cars.)
Ok I'm gonna go watch some more Criss Angel Mindfreak now. Maybe he can make Sly and Mel disappear.