So without further ado, I present to you,
Starring:Tom Fornelli as John Alexander (Dialogue in Blue)
Erica* as The Mark (Dialogue in Red)
*Names have been changed to protect my guilty ass
How are you?
who are you?
my name is John. Are you busy?
Well I promise I won't be long
I just have a few questions
how did you get my screen name?
oh I have a list of names, it's part of my job
im'ing people is your job?
lol, no silly
I work for GMD.org
Giraffes Must Die
is this a joke?
you want to kill giraffes?
who is this?
my name is John Alexander, and I work for GMD.org
We're a non profit organization interested in killing giraffes
this is stupid
please, if you don't want to answer my questions, that's one thing
but to call my job stupid is an insult
it's ok. I'm used to it.
Americans are very uninformed about giraffes
in fact, the only giraffe most are familiar with is Geoffrey Giraffe of Toys R Us fame
I know him
not important. What IS important is that I spread the word about giraffes
They're evil fuckers
pardon my language
what's so evil about them?
ok, so theyre not evil in the Darth Vader sense, but they don't help much either
thats no reason to kill them
who is this?
i told you, my name is John Alexander
no, this is John Alexander
this is not a joke
I don't believe you
well Ms.....mind if I ask your name?
Well Erica, who in the hell would just start talking to you about killing giraffes?
Well Tony sounds like a smart guy. I assure you again though, that I'm 100% serious
Well then why do you hate giraffes so much?
I think they're just incredibly smug
Well they're real tall right?
Taller than all the other animals?
so why do they need those antenna things on the top of their heads? Aren't they tall enough already!?
Their antenna!!! They only have them to make the rest of the animal kingdom feel inadequate!!
this ISN'T funny! Giraffes are destroying the self esteem of the once proud lion
even the intelligent elephant
It sure did, I'm also an incredible poet
do you know any giraffe poems?
I've written a few
tell me one
this is kinda on the spot
ok, I can't resist you Erica
There once was a giraffe named Eli
Who didn't know his place
He screamed "I don't wanna die!"
As I shot him in the face
was it that bad?
no it was great
seriously i loved it
thank you, it will be in my new book, available on our website
it's called Giraffes Must Die-A Collection of Prose in the Spirit of Girafficide
do I get a free copy if I donate?
no, there are no donations Erica
This is about your support, but not financial
Would you kill a giraffe?
Are you sure?
Yes I am
Don't you think?
I can't see you
I think its safe to say I've fallen in love with you
I am. I'm crazy in love with you
Like Beyonce with Jay Z
Let me be your Jigga Man
Erica, forget the giraffes, run away with me!
to Africa, we'll run with the cheetahs!!
I have work in the morning
I can't I have a presentation I have to do.
How about Friday?
sure, where do you live?
I'm in Seattle. I don't think this will work.
Damn you cruelest of fates
I have to go now John, it's been fun
ok Erica but before you go...
I love you
I love you too. Night.