Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Introducing:Prank Messenger

Welcome to a new feature of Keepin It Real Since 1980. I call it Prank Messenger. It's a simple premise. I get a random screen name, and send it ludicrous instant messages, whether on AIM, or Yahoo. Obviously I don't use my actual screen name, I create new ones. Anyway, if I can keep anyone around long enough, and the conversation is funny enough, I will post them here.

So without further ado, I present to you,


Starring:Tom Fornelli as John Alexander (Dialogue in Blue)
and introducing
Erica* as The Mark (Dialogue in Red)

*Names have been changed to protect my guilty ass

Hello there
How are you?
who are you?
my name is John. Are you busy?
Well I promise I won't be long
I just have a few questions
how did you get my screen name?
oh I have a list of names, it's part of my job
im'ing people is your job?
lol, no silly
I work for
What's gmd?
Giraffes Must Die
is this a joke?
you want to kill giraffes?
who is this?
my name is John Alexander, and I work for
We're a non profit organization interested in killing giraffes
they're smug
this is stupid
please, if you don't want to answer my questions, that's one thing
but to call my job stupid is an insult
it's ok. I'm used to it.
Americans are very uninformed about giraffes
in fact, the only giraffe most are familiar with is Geoffrey Giraffe of Toys R Us fame
I know him
not important. What IS important is that I spread the word about giraffes
They're evil fuckers
pardon my language
what's so evil about them?
ok, so theyre not evil in the Darth Vader sense, but they don't help much either
thats no reason to kill them
says you
who is this?
i told you, my name is John Alexander
seriously Tony?
no, this is John Alexander
this is not a joke
I don't believe you
well Ms.....mind if I ask your name?
Well Erica, who in the hell would just start talking to you about killing giraffes?
Well Tony sounds like a smart guy. I assure you again though, that I'm 100% serious
Well then why do you hate giraffes so much?
I think they're just incredibly smug
Well they're real tall right?
Taller than all the other animals?
so why do they need those antenna things on the top of their heads? Aren't they tall enough already!?
You know!
Their antenna!!! They only have them to make the rest of the animal kingdom feel inadequate!!
this ISN'T funny! Giraffes are destroying the self esteem of the once proud lion
the zebra
even the intelligent elephant
that rhymed!
It sure did, I'm also an incredible poet
do you know any giraffe poems?
I've written a few
tell me one
this is kinda on the spot
ok, I can't resist you Erica
There once was a giraffe named Eli
Who didn't know his place
He screamed "I don't wanna die!"
As I shot him in the face
was it that bad?
no it was great
seriously i loved it
thank you, it will be in my new book, available on our website
it's called Giraffes Must Die-A Collection of Prose in the Spirit of Girafficide
do I get a free copy if I donate?
no, there are no donations Erica
This is about your support, but not financial
then how?
Would you kill a giraffe?
Are you sure?
Yes I am
your what?
Don't you think?
I can't see you
I think its safe to say I've fallen in love with you
your insane
I am. I'm crazy in love with you
Like Beyonce with Jay Z
Let me be your Jigga Man
Erica, forget the giraffes, run away with me!
to Africa, we'll run with the cheetahs!!
I have work in the morning
ditch it!
I can't I have a presentation I have to do.
How about Friday?
sure, where do you live?
I'm in Seattle. I don't think this will work.
Damn you cruelest of fates
I have to go now John, it's been fun
ok Erica but before you go...
I love you
I love you too. Night.


steeler247 said...

now that is the funniest shit since whitesoxchamps05! you're quick wit was too damn funny.

giraffes are smug. thats one of the best lines i've ever heard.


keep these coming!

Fornelli said...

Thanks, hopefully the rest will be as easy. Erica was only the second person I tried. The first one was having none of it, and sucked. Next time I'll pry have to go through 40 people before one plays along. God Bless Erica.

Panger said...

There once was a giraffe named Eli
Who didn't know his place
He screamed "I don't wanna die!"
As I shot him in the face.



Erica said...

Interesting way to initiate cyber sex