So last night I watched an episode of that Criss Angel Mindfreak on A&E. Vic had been talkin about it all night at work so I figured I'd check it out. It was ok. It was kinda cool that Korn was on it. If you don't know who Criss Angel is don't worry, I didn't either until yesterday. He's a magician, or illusionist or whatever the fuck it is that those guys call themselves these days. He did some pretty cool tricks last night but Vic assures me that I saw nothing last night compared to what he normally does. Well I guess I'm just gonna have to watch again then ain't I?
Speaking of Mindfreaks. There is a new trend in Hollywood these days, and it's not Kabballah. No it's insanity. Take for instance Rocky Balboa aka John Rambo aka Stop or His Mom Will Shoot. Sylvester Stallone is planning on making a Rocky VI. I beg you Mr. Stallone please don't. Don't tarnish the legacy that is the brilliance they call Rocky V. Is Sly that desperate to be famous again? Has he thrown away all his money or something on new plastic for his face?
Remember me? I used to be somebody.
Did anyone see Rocky V? Remember how god awful it was? Exactly. Why does anyone feel there is a need for a sixth Rocky? How could they? It's sad. Sly's insanity pales in comparison to our next Mindfreak.
Saddam? Is that you? Wait a minute....MEL GIBSON!? What the fuck happened to you? What's this about some new movie you plan on working on, its called Apocalypto? What the hell is that about?
"What I'm doing is making an action-adventure film of mythic proportions."
All right sounds cool. Until you get to the part that the whole thing is going to be done in a Mayan dialect thats been dead for hundreds of years. Also it will star a bunch of Mexican actors nobody has ever heard of. Sound like a familiar formula? It's a lot like Mel's last project The Passion of the Christ. There is one large difference Mel forgot to take into account though. A majority of the people who go see movies on this planet are Christian. So they are willing to go see a movie about Christ even if it's in a language they don't understand cuz it's a story they already know. Something tells me that there just aren't enough Mayan's left on the planet who are going to be to into this. At least Mel is financing this thing on his own.
Fuck the movie though Mel, SHAVE. Look at you. How much poon tang are you losing out on now with that look? What happened to Riggs man? He got any damn chick he wanted. None of the ladies are gonna wanna sleep with you now. Ya you are still Mel Gibson but you don't look like Mel Gibson. I can get more action than you right now. Seriously Mel come back down to Earth. Either straighten up and fly right or I'm gonna tell Panger that the next time she sees you to run you down in her Mini Cooper. (Don't even get me started on those god damn cars.)
Ok I'm gonna go watch some more Criss Angel Mindfreak now. Maybe he can make Sly and Mel disappear.