Mel Gibson's Mugshot

Listen, I've long thought Mel Gibson was insane. I even wrote about it in one of this blog's first entries.

So when he was arrested Friday night for driving drunk and then went on a retarded tirade about Jews and conspiracy theories, at one point mentioning that he "owned Malibu" I wasn't surprised in the least.

I mean, remember this look?

Well thanks to the lovely folks over at the Smoking Gun, we now have Mel's mugshot.

No word on whether the officer taking the photo, or the camera itself were Jewish.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

It's About Time

Ya know, all summer it seems that everytime I get a day off of work, it's been cloudy or rainy.

Well not today, today it's 97 degrees, and sunny as all hell. So today is the day I start to say goodbye to this pasty white skin that has taken over my more natural Dago/Olive toned skin.

So if you need me, I'll be out back soaking it all in.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

You're Ass Is Mine James G Robinson!!!

Remember my post the other day about the future Mrs. Keepin It Real Since 1980's bout with heat exhaustion?

Remember how I mentioned that the fact she was up all night drinking probably had nothing to do with it?

Well shortly after I posted it, I was talking to Panger. Panger has some inside sources and she told me that my darling Lindsay was actually up all night partying, and throwing bottles of champagne off the roof of the Chateau Marmont.

Then I found this following letter, courtesy of The Smoking Gun, written to my lovely Lohan by the producer of the movie she's currently working on James G. Robinson.

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYUM.

I do believe Lindsay just got served.

Listen, I know Lindsay is a spoiled little psycho.

I know she spends more time on her back than most dead people.

But that's not the point.

The point is she's really REALLY hot. For that I admire her. Well her tits anyway, I admire her tits.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Holy Shit, Almost Forgot!

Friday Random 10.

1. Mo Money Mo Problems-Notorious B.I.G.
2. In the Garage-Weezer
3. Given to Fly-Pearl Jam
4. The Warmth-Incubus
5. Date Rape-Sublime
6. Feel Good-(hed)pe
7. Make Damn Sure-Taking Back Sunday
8. Burden in my Hand-Soundgarden
9. The Good that Won't Come Out-Rilo Kiley
10. Wooly Bully-The Troggs

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

Forget the War, I Have the Real Stories

First of all, it's my mom's birthday. So Happy Birthday mom.

Of course my mom has a hard time figuring out how to use the television, so she'll never see that, but it makes all of you realize what a wonderful son I am!

Anyway, sorry for slacking on this sucker. I did get NCAA 07, but that's not the reason behind my absence, as I haven't been playing it all that much. I've just been using most of my computer time to update my sports blog. That and I kind of promised to keep anything sports related to my sports blog, and the biggest thing on my mind right now is the White Sox. So I'm going to break one of my "rules" today.

THE FUCKING WHITE SOX ARE PISSING ME OFF.

In 2.5 weeks the Sox have gone from being 1.5 games behind the Detroit Tigers, in second place to 8.5 games behind the Tigers and in danger of falling into third place. After the Minnesota Twins just finished their lovely little three game sweep here yesterday, we're tied with them in second place. We are 2-10 in our last 12 games.

The offense can't score unless it's via a home run, and the pitching can't get anybody out. In other words, we're playing like the Cubs, not the defending champs.

Now I'm not part of the whole group of Sox fans who are in full blown panic mode. There's still 62 games left to be played, and the Sox have the talent capable of winning 18 of 20 games. I'm just wondering if by the time we start doing that it will be too late.

I admitted to myself and a couple others the other day that the White Sox will not catch the Detroit Tigers. The Tigers have not gone into a slump yet this season, which all teams do at some point, but when they do they're still too good of a team to have a prolonged slump.

Instead we need to focus on the Wild Card. Actually, no, scratch that. We need to focus on winning a god damn game first. One that Jon Garland isn't starting, cuz of those 2 wins in our last 12 games, Garland was our starter. He's the only guy on the team earning his paycheck right now. Everybody else should refuse payment until they earn it.

Now starting Friday the Sox have 6 games against two bad teams:the Baltimore Orioles and the Kansas City Royals. The way we've been playing we'll be lucky to win 3 of them. They better win all 6 though cuz right afterwards we get a steady diet of the Yankees, Tigers and Twins again.

On the plus side, the Chicago Bears have started mini-camp.

***************

Did you hear the big news yesterday?

Lance Bass of N'Sync is gay!!!

Well lemme be the 4,291st to say, NO SHIT.

I think I figured that out right about...................................here.

Also anyone else notice how he decided to come out of the closet after everybody forgot about who he was, and right before he has a sitcom coming out?

Celebrities will do anything to get noticed. Hell, his publicist probably had this planned for years.

"Don't come out now Lance, not while you're still in the public eye. Wait til after your 15 minutes are over, THEN come out and do the talk show circuit. You'll be an inspiration!"

***************

The future Mrs. Keepin It Real Since 1980 had to leave the set of her newest movie, Georgia Rule, the other day due to dehydration from working for hours in the 105 degree heat.

I'm sure the fact she was out getting plastered the entire night before had nothing to do with it.

Lindsay sweetheart, come on home and let daddy take care of you.

Oh and yes, I only mentioned this so I had a reason to post yet another picture of The Lohan.

***************

If you're like me, whenever you play Monopoly, you want to be the banker.

Why?

So you can cheat bitch!

It's easier to skim a lil off the top when you control the money, but unfortunately for us types the makers of Monopoly have made it tougher on us.

They're getting rid of Monopoly money and replacing it with Monopoly debit cards. The game will come complete with a little ATM thing that you use to add and subtract money from each players card, making it easier to keep track of the cash flow.

***************

I was reading this story in the Sun-Times at work last night, and laughed pretty hard due to a quote.

The article is about the fact that Big Buck Hunter, an arcade game, is taking off at bars in big cities like Chicago, New York etc. (Not in LA. Cuz in LA you're not allowed to do anything that remotely resembles fun for fear that somebody may see you having it. And that's not cool.)

So all over the country, hipsters and other anti-gun types are getting drunk at bars and then killing virtual deer.

It makes you wonder whether us urbanites will feel the desire to actually go out and kill ourselves some real live deer. Well, the folks who already are sure hope not. Take this quote from editor in chief of Buckmasters Whitetail Magazine, Russell Thornberry.

''I thank God they are doing it in a bar. I'm not sure I'd want them hunting anywhere near where I was hunting. They'd be a danger to me and the deer.''

Cuz you know, Russell only wants to kill the deer, not put them in any kind of danger.

Myself, I've only played Big Buck Hunter while at a bar once. Let me just say that if you ever stumble across me, and I have a beer in one hand and a shotgun in the other, running will not save you. I'm a killer, and I do not miss.


Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

I Did What I Thought Was Right

I went to a White Sox game on Monday night with my parents. While at that game, I did something so completely right, but it was still wrong.

Remember those skits from Chappelle's Show, When Keepin It Real Goes Wrong? Well until now I though that was just a myth for comedic purposes.

Tonight, I learned a harsh lesson.

We were sitting in section 320 in the 8th inning when White Sox second baseman Tadahito Iguchi was at the plate. The Sox were trailing 7-2, and as a result the people in front of us had left. I moved up a row, and was sitting directly in front of my parents.

The view from Section 320

Well Iguchi fouled a pitch off right towards our seats. It caromed off the facade above us and right at my chest.

"Bingo!" I thought to myself. I've never caught a foul ball in my life while at a baseball game. I remember one time when I was about 6 at the old Comiskey Park my dad took me and my cousin Anthony to a game.

There was a foul ball hit into an empty section of seats one section over from us. I sprinted over there to get the ball, and reached it. Once I got it though Anthony, who was 10 at the time, knocked me over and took it from me.

I still bring that up from time to time when I see Anthony. I don't care if he's 29 now with a wife and a son. I'm still bitter.

Now was my chance at redemption.

Still, I made a costly mistake. I never put down my beer.

No, I had to be Johnny Bad Ass, and one hand the foul ball while never spilling a drop of my precious Miller Genuine Draft. So as the ball came for me my dad reached out for it. It deflected off his arm and veered left, towards my beer arm. The ball hit me in the left shoulder and hit the ground between my feet. It started to roll away when I kicked at it to get it back in my direction.

As I kicked it though, 4 people reached between my legs to grab the ball. (That sounds dirty.) I got one hand on it, but never had possession of it. In the end, some dude in front of me got the ball and gave it to his young son.

My mom sensed my bitterness.

"Well wouldn't you have given it to the little kid anyway?"

"Hell no!!"

I then patted the little kid on the head,

"No offense little man."

Then I sat back down and stared into my beer with the evil eyes.

She had cost me my baseball. Of course no less than two seconds later I feel a hand on my shoulder and hear a familiar voice.

"You shoulda brought your glove."

It was Anthony Girardi from work. He had been in the same section as me the entire time but never noticed me until he saw me struggle for the foul ball.

"I called in. Don't tell anybody."

Oh, I won't Anthony....I won't.

All I was trying to do though, was Keep It Real. In the end I learned that maybe, just maybe, it's not always the right move to keep it real. It's a lesson Dave Chappelle tried to teach me a long time ago, but I was too young and cocky to listen.

But now I know.

Now I know.

***************

Also while at the game, sure this is the bastard who hit a 3 run homer against us, but he still has the prettiest swing I have ever seen.

And I mean that in the manliest way possible.

That's Minnesota Twin catcher Joe Mauer. They call him The Natural. He's just kinda fucking awesome. He only went 1-4 with 2 strikeouts in the game, but that one hit just happened to be a three run homer to put the game out of reach in the 7th inning.

The worst part is, going into the 6th inning with the White Sox ahead 2-0, I told my dad.

"See, now Vazquez (The White Sox pitcher) has thrown 5 terrific innings. That means in the next inning he's gonna give up at least 3 runs."*

*You'll notice in my White Sox Drinking Game rules, everytime Vazquez give up 3 or more runs in an inning, you gotta take a shot. It happens every game.

Then with a runner on, Michael Cuddyer hit a home run to right field. The next batter, Justin Morneau, hit a solo shot to right after him.

3-2 Twins.

I turned to my dad,

"I hate being right."

He just laughed.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom