Saturday, March 11, 2006

Treating Schizophrenia

Yesterday was a very odd day at work for me. I got punched in the balls, and I'm hearing voices. It's a tiny bit disconcerting.

We'll get to my balls later, and start with the voices. While I was at work yesterday on like 5 seperate
occasions I heard a voice. I would be working on something and then clear as day I would hear "Hey Tom." and I'd turn and look and nobody was there. The voice sounded like it was no more than 2 feet away from me. It was a female voice too. Anyway, it was completely freaking me out. It got to the point that Marianne walked up behing me and said "Hey Tom." but I didn't respond cuz I figured it was my imagination again. Finally when she was standing next to me she hit me on the shoulder, then I had to lie and say I didn't hear her. It's totally not believable, but it's better than saying "Sorry. There's this voice in my head that's been calling me all day, and I just figured you were it again."

Angel may have solved the problem though.

Angel was talking on the phone, so Jason and I decided to mess with him. That kid is always on the damn phone. So we were hitting the buttons and whispering sweet nothings into his ear while he was in conversation. You know 4th grade shit. Finally Angel swung at me, and I flinched. So I swung back at him, but he didn't flinch. That proved to be a problem, cuz his not flinching resulted in my connecting a right hook directly to his jaw. The shocked look on his face was absolutely priceless. I didn't hit him hard, but obviously Angel got pissed off. I was expecting to get punched in retaliation in like the chest or stomach or something.

Angel had other plans though.

Instead as soon as I put my guard down he went for my special area. I haven't been directly attacked by a person there since the 5th grade, when Andrea Weaver kneed me in the groin after we argued an out call at first base in a kickball game. Oddly enough I asked her out on a date about 2 weeks later, and she said yes. (The knee to the groin confirmed my belief that she liked me. Ah 5th grade. When women were easy to figure.) I don't remember what movie we saw, only that my mom dropped us off and I got no action.

Anyway, I'm not going to ask Angel out in 2 weeks. I did get incredibly pissed though. It was mostly just a mask to hide the insane amount of pain I was in. I told Angel if he ever wanted to fight like a man (he was the first NON female to ever attack me in the groin) he knew where to find me. I then went to find somewhere to sit down and wait it out.

Both of us were totally cool again before we left. Though I still think the balls were a cheap shot. He could have hit me anywhere else and it would have been cool, but not there. I mean it's not like I didn't deserve it, I did punch him in the face like Tim Treadwell punching a grizzly bear. Grizzly bears don't go for the junk though. So the lesson is, don't punch humans, punch bears.

Ever since Angel punched me I haven't heard that voice again.

Other than those fun stories, not much is happening. I have the day off of work today which I plan on enjoying. There are a lot of college basketball games today, and I'm going to watch a bunch of them. Though it does suck that Illinois was eliminated in the Big Ten Tournament by Michigan State last night. I'll pry still watch the rest of the Big Ten tournament anyway. With March Madness starting next week, it's good to scout as many teams as possible before filling out your brackets in office pools and what have you. I was hoping the Big East title game tonight would be Villanova and UConn, but since they've both been upset we have Syracuse vs Pitt. Should still be a good game, but Nova UConn would have been better.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

2 comments:

Kent Hrbek said...

good thing he connected squarely and didnt graze your daddy berries. grazes are the worst.

Fornelli said...

The worst thing about grazes are the 3-5 second delay.

You get knicked, and of course you get scared like "Oh no! This is gonna hurt!"

And nothing happens. So you relax. 2 seconds later...

BAM

You are on the ground crying for mommy.

You're right, grazes suck, though it didn't make the direct connect feel any better.