An Unfinished Story

I was going through some of my old shit, and I came upon this story I started writing once. Why it was in my shit, and the reason I store my stools (thats kinda fun to say...repeat it out loud...store my stools, store my stools...I'm a genius) is none of your god damned business.

Anyway, I have no recollection as to why I wrote this story, or what even inspired it. All I know is that I did, and I'm gonna repost it here cuz it made me laugh.

I'm a fucking idiot.

Whats the internet you ask? The internet is a series of interlinked programming available to anybody with a phone line, modem, and a computer. It was invented by Al Gore a long time ago.

One day while out in the forest during the title fight in the Tennessee Bare Knuckle Black Bear Boxing Association(T.B.K.B.B.B.A. for short.) against Mr. Sprinkles Mr. Gore decided there had to be a safer way to make money. He loved the pure competition of boxing bears, but was also aware of the imminent presence of likely death. Despite the advice of his family, friends, and coaches Al decided to give up his promising bear boxing career.

He set forth on a new journey. A WAY TO MAKE HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY AVAILABLE AT THE PUSH OF A BUTTON.

"I realized that as an American, I wanted to see boobies. The people of America wanted to see boobies. Everybody in the world wants to see boobies. I wanted to be the man to give the boobies to the world." said Gore in a 1998 interview for Newsweek.

Little did Al even realize at the time, the boobies were only the tip of the iceberg.

After 10 months of seclusion in his basement, away from his family, friends, coaches, and bear boxing competitors, Al had finally invented the internet. Though a crude version of what we have now, the original made of popsicle sticks, yarn, a paper clip, and a half finished bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon, the internet had arrived.

"Once I got it up and running I was literally swimming in boobies. Jumping from one boob to another without a care in the world. Boobies, boobies, boobies."

It was in this "Boobyland" that Al Gore would meet a future partner. Bill Clinton. After talking about boobies for roughly 423 hours the two realized there was a very strong bond between them. They would later go on to use this bond to try and take over the world. They would have too, if it wasn't for Mr. Gore's old foe Mr. Sprinkles.

But that my friends, is a whole other story.