My team is called Killed for Less, and though we may only be 1-2, we have the best logo in the league.
Anyway, I figured why not post em here? It's still my writing, and it is a good way to fill up a post here once a week to keep you bastards off my back. So here you go.
Week 3 Recaps with Johnny Fosheezy
Well, going into week 3 we had 4 undefeated teams in the Full Tilt Forum Fantasy Football League (FTFFFL for semi-short). After all the dust cleared Monday night, we didn't have any. If the FTFFFL was a baseball division, it would be the NL Central. It's wide open, and anyone could win it, though nobody really deserves to. Let's get to the action.
Revenge (1-2) 64 Terror (0-3) 50
In a battle of two teams seeking their first win, the Revenge proved to suck less. Revenge WR Chris Henry must have seen some 15 year old girls making out in the end zone because he did everything in his power to get there a few times, scoring 15 points for the Revenge.
"Hi Johnny! It's nice to finally talk to you. Sorry about throwing all that furniture at you the last few weeks. I was just kinda frustrated. It's really nice to get that first win, but to be honest, we still didn't play that great. If we play that way every week, we won't win many games. Luckily we just played a really bad team."
Coach Rob Vandervate, class act.
Killed For Less (1-2) 56 Wookalars (2-1) 35
The second team to get their first win was Killed for Less, who were also the first team to beat the Wookalars. Earlier in the week KFL WR Roy Williams made the statement "Oh, we will win this game. We're so close to being 2-0 right now it's stupid. I mean seriously, we're the second highest scoring team in the league. Look it up bitches." Williams was able to back it up by scoring 15 points.
The real MVPs for KFL was K John Kasay (20), and Wookalars coach Bill Small, who benched QB Matt Hasselbeck for going to see a Carrie Underwood concert without him.
"You think you know a guy, and then you find out he went to see Carrie Underwood, your favorite singer of all time," said Bill Small, "He knows she's your favorite too, and he doesn't invite you. It hurts man. It hurts."
Said KFL coach Tom Fornelli, "It's odd. This was probably our worst effort of the season, yet we came away with a win. Maybe I'll just tell my QB and RB's to stop scoring, cuz we win when they don't. I'm happy to get the win finally, but we're still in last place. I do take solace in knowing that we're so close to 3-0 it's stupid."
Scranton Eagles (2-1) 86 Donkeypunchers (2-1) 41
Look up the term ass-kicking in Wikipedia, and there will most likely be a mention of this game, cuz that's what it was. A good old fashioned ass KICKING. The Eagles were led by Brian Westbrook who had a career day with 31 points, followed by Darrell Jackson who put up 14. Those two alone outscored the Punchers.
"We really missed Tomlinson," said Punchers coach Bill Belsan,"He's an important part of our team, and without him we struggle. Of course, I didn't think we'd lose by fucking 45. Can you believe that shit? We lost by more than we scored!! I'm not even sure I can be mad at the team for that, it's too fucking pathetic. Part of me wants to go in the locker room and start slamming skulls, and the other part of me wants to go in there and give em all a glass of Ovaltine, pat em on the heads and say 'Get em next time champ!!' I think I'm just gonna go in my office and drink some whiskey though. Whiskey would never lose by 45."
Pussies (2-1) 64 Shinebox (2-1) 51
There was a lot of talking through the media between these two teams this week. It was in last years championship game that the Pussies beat the Shinebox, and apparently there was still some bitterness left from that. Thanks to Carson Palmer (25) and Clinton Portis (19) the Pussies still PWN the Box.
"Listen, my team is pretty simple. When our Triumvirate of Terror (Palmer, Portis and Larry Johnson) play well, we win," said Pussies coach Lynn Anderson,"It's not rocket science. Now we were without Larry this week, so I had to think of something. So I sent Shinebox QB Peyton Manning (16) a note on Friday telling him that this was a playoff game. Bill Belicheck gave me the idea."
"I hate that bitch!!!!" was all Shinebox coach Kyle Brown had to say in his post game press conference. Literally, he just repeated it about 45 times before storming off the dais.
Italian Sausage (2-1) 65 Steelers (0-3) 53
The Steelers are still in search of that elusive first victory after being brought to their knees by the Sausage. "It seems we expect Donovan (17) to do everything for us. Everybody sits around and watches him. Until we get a team effort, we will continue losing." said Steelers coach Alfred Rosa.
Sausage Coach Silvio Rodia was less reserved, "Uranus...meet My Sausage. Get it!? Your anus? My sausage? It's sexual innuendo!!!! I butt raped him!!!! Christ, I'm funny. Ya, we played well today. I have to give credit to Bulger (12) and Keyshawn (16). My only concern is that Key never shuts up in practice when he doesn't do shit. Who knows what he'll be like this week."
GAME OF THE WEEK
Finest (2-1) 64 Rejex (2-1) 61
"Considering we have no running game what-so-fucking-ever I have no idea how we're winning." is how Finest coach Brandon Sabala started his post game press conference. Well Brandon, if you keep getting performances like the ones you did from Javon Walker (24) and Torry Holt (13), you won't fucking need one.
Eli Manning (20) and Willie Parker (19) performed well for the Rejex, but it wasn't enough. The Rejex then were kicked while down after the game when they learned they'd be without former league MVP Shaun Alexander for a few weeks after he broke a bone in his foot.
"We're so fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked." said Rejex coach Robert Smith
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