Keepin It Real Since 1980: Fun for the Whole Family

While I was at work last night I read Richard Roeper's column in the Chicago Sun-Times. It was about drinking games. Being that I'm a large fan of drinking and games, obviously when you put the two together I'm ecstatic.

So I felt inspired to go to Wikipedia and see what kind of games I could look up. Which ones have I played, which ones do I want to play, and which ones are just plain stupid.

Here are a few games I play that everyone can play. They're fun for the whole family!

Flippy Cup-Flippy cup is a team game. Generally 2 teams (More if you got the tables) compete in a kind of relay race of alcoholic proportions. Each player fills a cup with a specified amount of an alcoholic beverage, usually beer. Friends and I have tried to play with Jager before, but it proved to be not only incredibly expensive but really time consuming after a while. For some reason when people down 3 half cups of Jager within a few minutes they get sloppy. So I suggest beer. Anyway one person on each team is designated to go first. The first thing that person must do is chug their beer. After successfully chugging the beer they then have to place the cup on the table, leaving a portion of the cup off the edge. They then have to use their index finger (I also recommend your middle finger for balance) to flip the cup so that it lands on its top, upside down. After their cup has been flipped the next member of the team starts by chugging their beer, and so on down the line until one team finishes. After the game the winning team then exchanges high fives and chest bumps while mercilessly taunting the opposing team. Personally it's widely accepted that I am one of the best flippy cup players of all time. Not only do I chug my beer with cat like speed, I average 1.1 flips per turn throughout my career. They are already clearing space for my plaque in the Flippy Cup Hall of Fame should I ever feel the need to retire from the sport.
Asshole-Asshole, or President, is a card game. It's rules vary wildly between the groups of people who play, so I'll just have to share the rules I'm more familiar with. You take a deck of cards (or 2 if you have a large group) and deal out the entire deck to everybody playing. The goal of the game is to be the first person to get rid of your cards. This makes you President. The first person to play then discards their lowest card (Usually a 3 cuz 2's have special powers I'll get to later.) first. Then the player after them has to discard something higher in value, or equal too. Pairs, trips and quads can also be played at any time. If somebody just put down an Ace, you can put down a pair of 3's to beat it. Dueces hold special value in that a 2 can be played at ANY time, and when it is it "clears the board." The person who used the 2 can then discard again, but can use any card they wish since the board has been cleared. (EG. Player 1 discards 3Kings. Player 2 cannot beat that but has a 2. Player 2 discards the 2, clearing the 3Kings. Player 2 then discards their lowest card, a 5 and the process starts over.) The 4 card also holds a special power in my group of people. It's the social card, and can be played at any time like the 2. Unlike the 2 it does NOT clear the board, and the player cannot discard again. Instead when a 4 is played everyone in the game takes a drink. Now if you cannot beat anything the board, and do not have a 2 or a 4 you have to pass. Everytime you pass you take a drink. The first person to successfully discard all their cards is named President. The second person is Vice President, and so on down the line using whatever titles the players choose. The person who never gets rid of their cards is the asshole. The asshole must then shuffle all the cards and re deal for the next game. My friends and I designate the player who finished just ahead of the asshole as the Beer Bitch. It's the Beer Bitch's job to refill everybody's beer before the next game. While the asshole deals the next hand they have absolute power and command any player to drink any amount of beer they please. The catch is that once the next game starts, the asshole has no power. The President can command that anybody drink at any time once the game starts, while the Vice President can command anybody but the President, and so on down the line. So the asshole has to be careful not to ruffle feathers because every other player at the table can command they drink. Also after cards have been dealt, the asshole has to pay taxes. That means he has to give the President any 2 cards he asks for, while the President gives the asshole his worst 2 cards. If anybody is elected President for 3 consecutive games, or terms, they get to pass a rule into law. Something like the thumb rule where anytime the President places his thumb on the table the rest of the players must follow suit. Last person to put their thumb on the table must chug a beer.
Drunk Driver-In drunk driver you deal out a triangle of cards on a table. Theres the top card, then a 2 card row, a 3 card row, and so on. Generally played up to 5 rows (15 cards on table). The rest of the cards are then dealt to the players. The first card on top of the triangle is then flipped over. If it's a 4 anybody with a 4 in their hand then puts their 4 down and commands anybody take one drink. When a card in the second row is flipped over 2 drinks are given. Third row, 3 drinks etc etc. At the end of the triangle the players add up the value of cards in their hands (Face cards are 10, Aces are 1.) The player with the highest total left in their hands then has to run The Gauntlet. The Gauntlet consists of 9 cards dealt face down on the table (7 for the ladies). The cards are then flipped over 1 at a time. If the card is anything between a 2 and a 9 nothing happens. The dealer moves on to the next card. If the card is a 10 the player must take one drink, and the dealer flips the next card. If the card is a Jack, the player must take one drink, and the dealer adds another card to the original 9. If a Queen is flipped the player must take 2 drinks, while 2 cards are added. Kings are 3 , Aces are 4. Theoretically the Gauntlet can go on forever as once the deck has been gone through, you shuffle it up and start again. In fact I remember one night (hazily) in which The Leemer and I were to run the Gauntlet together. The dealer went through the deck 4+ times (There are 44 drinks per run through the deck) for a grand total of at least 176 drinks. Needless to say we were drunk. Drunk Heroes.

I'm reading a book called Five Seasons by Roger Angell. This is a excerpt from the book that made me laugh incredibly hard while reading it.

During the early stages of their(The New York Mets) terrible first summer, in 1962, their center fielder, Richie Ashburn, suffered a series of frightful surprises while going after short fly balls, because he was repeatedly run over by the shortstop, the enthusiastic but modestly talented Elio Chacon. After several of these encounters, Ashburn took Chacon aside and carefully explained that, by ancient customs, center fielders were allowed full freedom to catch all flies they could get to and signal for. The collisions and near collisions and dropped fly balls continued exactly as before, and Ashburn eventually concluded that Chacon, who spoke very little English, simply didn't understand what it meant when he saw his center fielder waving his arms and yelling "Mine! Mine!! I got it!!" Richie thought this over and then went to Joe Christopher, a bilingual teammate, and asked for help.

"All you have to do is say it in Spanish," Christopher said. "Yell out 'Yo la tengo!!' and Elio will pull up. I'll explain it to him too-Ok? You won't have any more trouble out there."

"Yo la tengo?" Ashburn said.

"That's it," Christopher said.

Before the next game Ashburn saw Chacon in the clubhouse. "Yo la tengo?" Richie said tentatively.

"Si, si! Yo la tengo!" Chacon said, smiling and nodding his head.

"Yo la tengo!" Ashburn said. They shook hands.

In the second or third inning that night, an enemy batter lifted a short fly to center. Ashburn sprinted for the ball. Chacon thundered out after it. "Yo la tengo!! Yo la tengo!!" Richie shouted.

Chacon jammed on the brakes and stopped, happily gesturing for Ashburn to help himself. Richie reached up to make the easy catch-and was knocked flat by Frank Thomas, the Mets' left fielder.

I played in a $20 Horse tournament on Monday night. I finished in 5th for $87, but considering the fact I had been down to about 280 in chips right before the first break I'm pretty happy with the outcome.

I did catch some tough luck at the final table though. At one point I had the table covered with over 45K in chips, but then got hurt in a few hands. I had a full house lose to quads, and then in another Stud hand I started 4 to a straight flush and never hit any of my outs.

"If I continued to headbang onstage, I could have had a brain hemorrhage and dropped dead on the spot."-Jonathan Davis of Korn

That would have been one helluva show. Korn has had to leave their European tour after Jonathan Davis had to be admitted to a hospital for a blood illness called immune thrombocytopenic purpura. It's a condition that keeps blood from clotting like it needs to, and came about as an allergic reaction to a medication he'd been taking.

Hopefully he'll be fine by the time they come here for the Family Values Tour. I've waited a long time to see Korn and Deftones play together, and nothing better get in my way. I don't even care that Korn's last album sucked ass.

PICTURE OF THE DAY