Stolen Post

I'm stealing this post from another website. It's called Kissing Suzy Kolber, and it's a NFL humor site. This was written by a guy who's easily my favorite sports blogger not named Tom Fornelli right now.

Big Daddy Drew.

FUCK IT, I'M THROWING IT DOWNFIELD

Is that Berrian? I think he's triple-covered.

You know what?

Fuck it.

I'm throwing it downfield.

Yeah, I see Jones open on the flank. But fuck that. Dumpoff passes are for faggots. I'm fucking Sexy Rexy Grossman. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I can't, I bet I'll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my dick hard.

What's that? I should throw a quick slant? Fuck that. That's gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen pass? Kevin Spacey gay. This is fucking football. You can't just expect wins to come to you. You can't massage that shit. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving shit out of it. You think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You're a pussy. This ain't John Shoop running this offense. Sexy Rexy's got the arm. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.

Okay, I'm throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I look good. I bet I made that Pats cheerleader wet her panties with that throw. She fucking wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh shit. Looks like Samuel caught it. Again. Oh well. It still felt fucking great to throw that shit. Tell me that wasn't one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I'm gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I'm gonna nail him right between the fucking eyes with a Sexy Rexy fastball. Why? Because I can.

This is Rex Grossman we're talking about here. We're talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I'm not just a gunslinger. I'm a cumslinger. Throwing that ball long tells all the Rexettes that I am fucking out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I'll tease them with a pretty touch passevery now and again. But then I'm gonna go right back to pumping that ball out for all it's worth. It tells them I throw like I fuck. That's how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you're not turned on right now. I am.

Keeping It Real Since 1980,

Tom

So THAT'S Why There Were Never Any Black People on Seinfeld

This is video taken from a stand-up performance given by Michael Richards over the weekend at LA's Laugh Factory.

Most of you probably know Richards as Kramer.

Well then.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

It's Fucking Bullshit

Fuck you People magazine!! Fuck you right up your stupid fat asses!

You've done it to us again you idiotic sons of bitches. Your ignorance knows no bounds.

Was walking past the newsstand this weekend and guess what I saw People magazine!!??

This!!!

Go fuck yourselves People magazine!

Every year we send you in nude photos of our glorious, God-like self, and you continually snub us. Are you jealous People magazine? Do you wish you had all this?

Answer me this People magazine. If George Clooney is sexier than me, then why the fuck won't he stop calling me begging me to go to dinner with him!?

Explain that one you fucktards!

Go to hell People magazine.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

We're Slowly Becoming a Video Blog

But hey, at least we're posting!

This one's courtesy of Panger's new blog 28 Days.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

Kiwi!

I just found this on YouTube, and really liked it.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

About 10 Years Too Late

Well, we finally have a trailer for the Simpsons movie. Of course, I won't go on a 54 paragraph rant about how stupid the idea for a movie is now that the show is about 4 seasons past the point in which it became horrible, but whatever. I'll still see it, it's not like I have any self respect.

Of course, this also gives me an excuse to show one of my favorite YouTube clips of all time.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom