Ok so over the last few days I've had some time to watch a few movies I got through Netflix. All three were documentary related. One was a movie about making a documentary. One was a documentary about a joke, and the last one was a documentary about a man and grizzly bears. So seeing how I'm feeling too dumb to actually write something I'm going to review them. Who's opinion do you trust more than mine?
Exactly.
Let's get started.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
I love Wes Anderson and every movie he's ever been involved in. Ask me my favorite movies of all time and titles like Bottle Rocket and Rushmore are included every time. The Life Aquatic did not change any of this. While it's not my favorite of his films, it still made me laugh repeatedly. Bill Murray went from being funny on SNL and in movies like Ghostbusters, and Stripes in his early career, to just downright brilliant in everything he does now. Owen Wilson is great in this too. Jeff Goldblum scared me, but then again Jeff Goldblum always scares me. I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley somewhere. He just gives me the feeling he'd try to do things a lot worse than mugging me. Willem Dafoe is great as a German crew member fiercely loyal to Zissou. (Murray) Anyway the premise of the movie if you don't know, is Zissou's lifelong partner is killed by the Jaguar Shark. His once brilliant documentary career is fading, and he meets Owen Wilson who may or may not be his son. Wilson joins his crew as they go to find and kill the Jaguar shark that killed Zissou's best friend. In all reality the plot is background music. This movie is about the characters, and luckily they're terrific. If you haven't seen it, see it.
The Aristocrats
Ok, so I'd heard a lot about this movie. It is a documentary about an inside joke between comics for a long time. The premise simple. A guy walks into a talent agents office and tells him he has a great a
ct for him. It's a family act. Then the talent agent asks for a description, and the comic just ad libs the most disturbing, foul act he can think of with the family. There's a lot of shitting, fucking and sucking in the jokes. Then at the end the Agent asks what they're called and the punchline is "The Aristocrats!" It's a horrible joke. The only point of it is it is a great way to evaluate a comic. So over 100 comedians are interviewd and all give their take on the joke, and their favorite renditions. It's pretty funny at times. Highlights include Sarah Silverman, Bob Saget, and I like Martin Mull's alternative version of the joke. All in all though there was a lot of dead air in it for me. Some of the comics just sucked at the joke, and to be honest, you can only hear so many comics describe fathers defecating on their sons before it loses its shock value. So where as I didn't hate it, I didn't love it either. This is one of those movies where you don't mind seeing it, but you aren't really missing anything if you don't.
The Grizzly Man
Without question this is the funniest documentary that I have EVER seen. Only problem
is that it's not intended to be funny at all. The unintentional humor is off the charts though. There were times when I was watching it that I swore it had to be fake. Like a Daily Show sketch or something. I was waiting for Will Ferrell to pop out of a bear costume at any moment.
It never happened though.
The documentary is about Timothy Treadwell. A guy from Malibu who for 13 years spent his summers in Alaska among grizzly bears. When I say among grizzly bears, I don't mean like 300 yards away either. I mean petting them on the nose, and yes, even punching one in the face at one point. Somehow the bear ran away. Which made me wonder "What happens when the grizzly bears see this movie? That bear is going to be torn a new one. He got beat up by some insane blonde guy. That's like being a high school junior, and going to pick up your little brother in kindergarten, and promptly getting your ass kicked by the kindergarten bully. It's not good for your rep."
I think a lot of stupid things though. I found that this happens a lot while watching this movie. The truth is Treadwell is certifiably insane. I don't mean goofy or eccentric either. I mean fuckin nuts. Of course living alone in Alaska among bears probably does that to a guy. Treadwell looks nothing like you'd expect either. I was expecting some bearded mountain man. Instead I got a surfer guy from Malibu with a lisp.
The humor never stops either. At least not for me. Whether its the morticians eyes lighting up as if he's performing a musical when describing the body parts of Treadwell and his girlfriend (Treadwell would have visitors occassionally for obvious reasons. That being he might be able to pet the bears, but couldn't have sex with them. His girlfriend picked a bad time to visit.) Oh did I forget to mention he dies? Well he does, but it doesn't spoil anything. In fact it's the point of the movie. He and his girlfriend get eaten alive one night. There is no footage, but there is audio. The audio is not in the film though for obvious reasons. As I was saying though the mortician LOVES talking about this tape. You half expect him to break into a song and dance. Then there is Treadwells ex girlfriend recieving his wristwatch from the mortician.
"It still works. We found it on his arm."
"It's all we have left of him!" says his ex bursting into tears.
His ex was also his partner in The Grizzly People. A foundation consisting of the two of them. Bet ya can't guess what they did.
There are tons of other hilarious parts of this documentary, but I don't want to spoil the whole thing. There was the part though when one of the bears p
ooped, and well...Treadwell loved it. He loved everything. You'll find that out when you see it.
"That's her poop!!" he says as he touches it "It just came out of her. I can feel its warmth. It's her gift to me, it came out of her. It's her life."
Not making that up either. (Though it may be off by a word or two. But the gist is there.)
Without directly ordering you to do anything, you HAVE to see this movie. There are only two ways you can feel after it, so it's win win.
- You will either enjoy the documentary for what it is.
- You will laugh your ass off
You can't lose. Rent it. Buy it. Just see the damn movie. It's my lock of the week!!!
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom
Ok. Well you've already seen my South Park character, but I had to make some for my friends. So I present them to you all.
Silvio
The Leemer
Billy
Kevin
Marty
JoeyMac
Panger
Expect characters of all my friends in the near future. We will start with me though.
Well let's update things since we last met shall we?
I've officially gone on break from poker for a little while. I don't know how long, I just don't want to be anywhere near a poker game, virtual or otherwise. I will play in my tournament tomorrow night, but that's it.
I was unable to get Sox tickets for Opening Night like I hoped, so that sucks a bit. I re
ally wanted those damn tickets. Opening Day is still over a month away, but it feels so much closer. It's gonna be a long month. Thankfully the NCAA basketball tournaments will be starting soon, so that will keep my sporting interests. I'm sorry, but the Olympics and the ass kicking of America just don't keep my interest. For example Finland just kicked America's ass in hockey. I told you!! VIVA LA FINLAND!!!!! There is the World Baseball Classic starting in about a week. I have developed a great theory about it too.
It's a government conspiracy. Seriously. (Or not.)
The timing of the tournament has been complained about since the start, but thanks to the Olympics I finally figured out why. The WBC is gonna be a every 4 year deal thing, just like the Olympics. Coincedentally (actually not coincedentally) it is in the same year as the Winter Olympics and begins right after the Winter Olympics end.
Why?
Cuz America sucks in winter sports. As a result we look bad to the rest of the world. Remember the Olympi
cs have long been an unofficial measuring stick for which country is the shit, and who sucks. So something had to be done. The US Gov't and MLB figured to start the WBC, cuz baseball is America's sport and we have a pretty good chance to win it and prove our dominance over the rest of the world. That is why it's right after the Olympics. So instead of dwelling on the fact we just got our butts kicked in the Olympics we can quickly say "Did you see the way we destroyed Sudan last night!!!?? Man we rule!"
I'll watch anyway. Just cuz I like the baseball, and well real baseball doesn't start til April. Need something to bridge that gap.
Speaking of baseball, I just finished reading The Summer Game which I'd mentioned in a previous entry. It was a very good book that I thoroughly enjoyed. Gave me a glimpse into baseball during the 60's that I can't get on ESPN Classic. Being absolutely in love with 
everything baseball right now I've also just started reading Ball Four by Jim Bouton. For those who don't know Bouton was the original Jose Canseco. Not cuz he did the roids, but because he published a book that told of life inside baseball. The stuff that fans generally don't get to see. I'm about 100 pages into it and I find it very entertaining, well written, and hilarious. It's not just a baseball book either, it is a life book. My favorite part of the book so far has been the essaying on the art of Beaver Shooting. (Beaver Shooting is kinda like Peeping Tomism. It involves looking up skirts and such. No Beavers are actually shot, so leave me alone PETA.) Apparently Mickey Mantle wasn't only the best player on the field, but one of the best Beaver Shooters off it.
In other news I bought that Notre Dame Tom Zbikowski jersey. That's it. I've promised myself I would stop for a while. Great deals are great deals, but if I buy 100 jerseys I'm not exactly saving money anymore.
Also for those waiting on chapter 2 of The Sugar Chronicles, I have bad news. It's kinda been postponed. I'm working on another project of actual importance (read: I may actually get paid for it) and have decided to put all my "creativity" into that. I'll probably keep you informed of how that goes though, and if I'm ever just sitting around and the story pops in my head, I will go for it. I already know where I want to go with the rest of the Chronicles, but just haven't put thoughts to paper. I assure you it's all gold though. One day you'll find out.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom
Hey everybody.
For the first time in 2 weeks I finished a day of poker with more money than I started it with. Still, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I played in 5 multi-table tournaments today, and reached the final table in 4 of them. I finished the day up $9.80. That kinda sums things up for me poker wise. Hell if it wasn't for the $10 45 person sit and go I just finished 3rd in I would have been 3 for 4 in Final Tables and DOWN $62. There are some signs of encouragement though. In the sit and go I just finished, I won races, and even pulled a hellacious suckout on another player. We both got our money in on the flop with a pair of jacks, but he had an Ace kicker, I had an 8. Then I hit runners and ended up with a Q high straight to knock him out. That is the kind of thing that has happened TO me lately, not FOR me. Also for the first time that I can remember a pocket pair of mine somehow managed to survive a race against two over cards when my 99 beat a KJ. I was shocked! So hopefully these are trends that will continue, and maybe the math
is finally balancing itself out. Please balance out.
In other news my run on football jerseys on EBay continues as I bought another one today. I got a LaDainian Tomlinson Chargers jersey for $25 (with shipping). I was pondering getting the powder blue Chargers jersey, cuz well, they're badass, but I just wasn't sure that I could wear powder blue. It just doesn't fit me. Pretty soon I will embark on my rap career. (Shit...shoulda gotten the powder blue) Also I have my eyes on a Notre Dame Tom Zbikowski authentic jersey, but that auction still has a few days left on it. After I get that one I'll probably stop for a while. I hope.
I have to get up kind of early tomorrow cuz White Sox tickets go on sale at 9AM. I want to get Opening Night tickets for my dad and I. I'll get a couple others too cuz I figure Kevin will want to go, along with Joe, Marty, or the Leemer. I definetely want to bring my dad though, cuz I wasn't able to get any tickets for him during the playoffs last season and I felt guilty. He took me to so many White Sox games as a kid, I figure it's high time I returned the favor. I mean without him I might have been a Cubs fan or something. He's the only member of his family who was a White Sox fan, hell no one on my mom's side is a Sox fan either. Thank God somebody had some damn sense. So here's hoping I can get some for the Old Man.
After I get the tickets (power of positive thinking) I gotta go to work all day. I may go out tomorrow night, but honestly the fact I have to work EVERY Saturday morning puts a cramp on my social life for Friday nights. I really don't enjoy going into work hungover anymore. Though did I ever? Well I guess what I mean is, I can't really get away with it like I could when I was 18 or 21. I had no idea things started going downhill so fast. I'm only 25 for Christ's sake, but I get hangovers now if I have like 4 beers. It's annoying as all absolute hell. I come from a crew of guys who had 4 beers in their cereal every morning. Ok, so that's stretching it a lil, but you get the point.
Let's see...what else what else what else........oh yeah. I updated my sports column today. If you want to read it feel free to click on this link right hurrrrrrr. Other than that, have a good one.
Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom
You're a winner now!
$281.60 for her Victory
ct for him. It's a family act. Then the talent agent asks for a description, and the comic just ad libs the most disturbing, foul act he can think of with the family. There's a lot of shitting, fucking and sucking in the jokes. Then at the end the Agent asks what they're called and the punchline is "The Aristocrats!" It's a horrible joke. The only point of it is it is a great way to evaluate a comic. So over 100 comedians are interviewd and all give their take on the joke, and their favorite renditions. It's pretty funny at times. Highlights include Sarah Silverman, Bob Saget, and I like Martin Mull's alternative version of the joke. All in all though there was a lot of dead air in it for me. Some of the comics just sucked at the joke, and to be honest, you can only hear so many comics describe fathers defecating on their sons before it loses its shock value. So where as I didn't hate it, I didn't love it either. This is one of those movies where you don't mind seeing it, but you aren't really missing anything if you don't.
is that it's not intended to be funny at all. The unintentional humor is off the charts though. There were times when I was watching it that I swore it had to be fake. Like a Daily Show sketch or something. I was waiting for Will Ferrell to pop out of a bear costume at any moment.
ooped, and well...Treadwell loved it. He loved everything. You'll find that out when you see it.
