Poker Post!!!!

So I got 4th place in another tournament today for $223. It's nice and all, but dammit I'm sick of 4th place. I want to win one. Don't believe me? Then why did I write this column on Full Tilt Forum?

(Cuz not all of my readers here go near the Forum. This is a REPOST!)



A little over a week ago I posted a column about recent struggles I had been having at the poker tables. I also had keyed in on what I thought my problem was, and went back to the tables with no other goal than to play angry. It worked right away, as I won a $20 SNG, All In Or Fold (Lots of strategery used in this tournament.), and finished 4th in a $20 Omaha MTT for a nice score.

Well, that run has continued since it started. Right now I am in a zone when I am at the table. It isn't something I have the capability to describe, but I'm sure some of you have been there, and know what I mean. Literally everything I do is coming up roses. I'm making all the right reads when I need to, bluffing at the right pots, etc. Let's take a look at the numbers:

I have played in 20 public tournaments (Sit and go's and Private MTT's are not included in these numbers.)

• In 13 of those tournaments I have finished in the money.
• In 6 of those tournaments I have reached the Final Table.
• My highest finish in any of them was 2nd.
• I have made a net profit of $926.42 in these 20 tournaments.
  

It's a pretty good week, and I'm happy with it. One part of it I'm not happy with though, and it's eating me up inside.

I have not won a tournament since August 2005.

I have won 11 tournaments online in my lifetime. (I've only been playing online for about 15 months. Again Privates and SNG's aren't included in these numbers) 7 have been here on Full Tilt (Including the very first tournament I ever played on this site, a $5 NLHE.) 2 on PokerStars, and 2 on Ultimate Bet.

Now I am not complaining really cuz I am having a very decent amount of success lately. The fact I am not winning any of these tournaments is getting very frustrating though. In just about every Final Table I've reached in this span I have played VERY WELL during the tournament, then at the Final Table I shafted. I have not ONCE gotten all my money in at the Final Table with the worst hand in the entire run. (Ok, well, after I get the screw job and I'm stuck with 4x the BB I have gotten all my money in with the worst hand.) If people have trouble believing that feel free to PM me and I'll email you each hand.

Obviously losing with the best hand is a common occurrence in this game, but timing is also key. It's getting to a point, that while I'm in the first stages of a tournament leading up to the final table, I have all the confidence in the world. I know I'm going to get there, it's just a matter of how many chips will I have. Then I get to the Final Table, and it's more like "Wait for it......wait for it...I have AA....here it comes."

So the thought crossed my mind, "Maybe since I'm expecting bad things to happen I'm doing something with my play that is causing bad stuff to happen." So I have been going over hand histories from Final Tables, and for the most part I can't see anything I wouldn't normally do at any point in time.

In today's tournament, I was inspired by Clovis' power of position posts yesterday. For a while I had set up my computer so my hole cards were blocked and I couldn't see them until I actually HAD to know what I had. (The now famous K6 hand was actually during this period. I knew what I had after he went all in though, as I moved the hackey sack OUT of the way.) I was using my position well throughout the entire tournament. Got to the final table as the short stack. I noticed everybody was sitting on their ass trying to move up a payspot or two and played accordingly. I stole enough antes, and won one large enough pot to become chipleader with 7 players remaining. I then hovered in the top 2 the rest of the way, until we were 4 handed. I was in the SB(Small Blind) and I looked down at QQ. I made a standard 3x the BB(Big Blind) raise. The player in the BB sat there for a few seconds and then went all in for 50,000 more. I called pretty quickly and was left with 5,000. BB showed A 9, and of course flopped an Ace.

So next thing I knew I had 5K, and I finished in 4th place.

So I figured maybe I need to play more SNG's(Sit and Go's, 9 player tournaments) to get used to playing at a final table, and over the last 2 weeks I have played more SNG's than I probably had in the last 4 months combined. I'm winning a majority of the one's I'm playing in too.

So what the hell am I doing wrong? (That's rhetorical BTW. No need to start an argument.)

I'm sick and tired of 2nd place, 3rd place, and 4th place. I want first. I miss it.

Chance Encounter With An Old Friend

Ok. So I was downloading a whole bunch of stuff yesterday. I got Jay-Z's Black Album (B), Kanye's College Dropout (A-), and Kanye's Late Registration (B). While I was downloading those I was also downloading porn cuz that's what you do with computers. You download porn.

So I downloaded this one video, it's like 45 minutes long. I start playing it while I'm burning CD's. Its like a Girls Gone Wild type deal, I think it was called "In The VIP" or something. The deal is these guys go to a club, find some drunk, high, stupid girls, take em to a hotel, have sex with them, and film the whole thing. It's great.

This was no ordinary porn though. They start talking to a brown haired girl who looks familiar to me. Blah blah blah, 10 minutes later we're in the hotel room with the brown haired girl, her blonde friend and 4 guys. Well the blonde friend appears to be on around 4 hits of X, cuz her pupils are about 3 inches wide, and she just looks out of it. She has enough of her wits about her to have sex with 2 guys though. Anyway while watching I have figured out who the brown haired girl reminds me of.

No.

You're kidding.

It couldn't be!!!

Then she gets naked

IT IS!!!!!

It's my ex girlfriend. I shit you not. I haven't seen her in 7 years, and when I last did she was blonde. Now she's a brunette and there is a guy who apparently heard there is an oil reserve inside her, cuz he's drilling away.

I had no idea what to think, all I know is I couldn't watch it anymore. I loved her once, and I don't hate her now, so I just couldn't watch. Immediately I felt kinda sad. I mean, when we dated in high school, she was no angel, but I figured it was just your run of the mill teenage rebellion. Now she's appearing in a porno on the internet.If I had any idea where the hell she was I would try to get in contact with her, but I don't, and really there isn't much point in it. What would I say? "Hey I saw you the other day!" Whatever, it's kind of depressing, let's move on.

Holy shit I don't have anything else to say.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Rested and Ready for Things and Stuff

Hello there!

First off, its gonna take a while to get used to this sight.

Good Luck in Oakland Frank.

Not too much to report on. Had the last few days off, and didn't do much but laundry and cleaning up around the place. I'm happy cuz Panger is home from her brief stay in the hospital, and she's ok. That bitch had me worried for a while.

On the poker front I been pretty good. I've broken out of my slump and finished third in a HORSE tournament today. (For those not in the know, HORSE is a combo game. Each level rotates from Hold em, Omaha Hi Lo, Razz, Seven card Stud, and Stud Hi Lo {E is for stud Eight or better}) So you have to know how to play every game. Luckily for me, I do. I finished in third, but had a large chiplead when it got to the final three. Unfortunately I had managed to play the entire tournament without getting screwed, so I was due when we got down to three. The screw job came (TWICE) and I ended up finishing in third. I was really pissed at the time, but it's hard to complain about $120 for 3 hours work really.

After the tournament I went to Brixie's with Bill and Tony. Once there we met up with Billy Marco (who was working the door) and Chris Gedenk. We played pool for money, and I ended up breaking even on the night. So I got to drink for free!! Kinda. Can't complain about that now can we?

So all in all, good 2 days off. Room's clean, Panger's alive, and I made money while drinking beer. Sounds like I win.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

The Sugar Chronicles-Chapter One

(This is the first chapter of many in this story. I'm going to post it one chapter at a time. As for when chapter 2 will be posted, I don't know. I'm not finished writing it yet.)


It was a rainy day and Lt. Grubstein was tired. This homicide he was now investigating was just the perfect end to his perfect day. As his fellow officers surveyed the scene around him taking photos and being careful not to touch anything Grubstein was baffled by the scene.

The victim had been stabbed repeatedly with something. The wounds didn't appear to be from a knife. The other observation that startled Grubstein was the location of the stab wounds. None were made above the victim's waist. She'd been stabbed to death over 35 times in the legs.

"It's like a child did this." said officer Ericson.

"I was thinking the same thing," replied Grubstein, "but how? How could a small child stab an adult 35 times? It doesn't make sense."

"I never said it made sense sir. I just said it seems that way," answered Ericson. "Do you really think a kid did this?"

"I don't know what to think anymore Ericson. I've been doing this job for 30 years, and I've seen shit that no man should have to see."

Then in the distance a rumbling could be heard. The entire home began to shake.

"Oh fuck." muttered Grubstein.

That's when the wall was blown open, spewing debris and dust everywhere.

"OH YEAH!!!" bellowed the large silhouette standing where the wall once was.

"God dammit Kool-Aid Man!! When will you fucking learn to use the door!?"

"Relax Grubstein," said the bird who flew in after Kool-Aid Man, "he's just excited to be on the beat. You know how these rookies get."

"Who in the hell told you about this murder? How did you find it?" demanded Grubstein.

"Why I just followed my nose." answered the bird, also known as Toucan Sam.

"Well don't fucking touch anything," ordered Grubstein, "Do you understand that fat ass?"

"OH YEAH!!"

Toucan Sam and his partner, Kool-Aid Man, took a look around the scene to see what they could figure out. Their position on the force was seen as more of a nuisance by Grubstein and the other officers. Something about commercial cartoon characters working on human cases just didn't sit right with the human officers. There was a new Civil Rights movement taking place in America, but it was more on a government level than a personal one. Even though Toucan Sam had been on the force for over 10 years, and aided in solving numerous crimes, he was never really accepted.

Sam started off on the force as more of a police dog than an officer. His exceptional sense of smell was his strong suit. Over time working on cases he also developed the mental acumen it takes to solve a murder. With all the Cartoon Civil Rights legislature passed under George Bush in 2001 Sam was promoted to a position in the force historically reserved for humans. He earned numerous Awards of Merit from City Hall for all the cats he helped out of trees. (15 total, 7 of which ended up in the tree cuz they were chasing Sam.) In other words, despite the lack of respect he received, he was one of the best cops on the force.

Kool-Aid Man had only been an officer for 6 months. For the previous 10 years, since being forced into early retirement by the Kool-Aid company, Kool-Aid Man (KAM for short) worked many odd jobs. He lived in New York for many years in hopes of acting on Broadway. Unfortunately due to his limited vocabulary (All he can say is "Oh yeah") he was only offered a few bit parts in off-off Broadway productions. KAM then worked as a waiter, gas station attendant, porno fluffer, and at one point resorted to letting kids drink from his skull for a dollar a glass. Once his parent company, Kool-Aid, found out they threatened to sue so KAM stopped selling his blood on the street. He was never the type to break any kind of law, which ultimately led to his desire to enfore them.

It was a chance encounter at the local gentleman's club, Big Floppy's, that KAM would meet his future partner. The two hit it off right from the start while admiring the strippers.

"Do you see the ass on that one? I'd like to follow more than just my nose up there."

"Oh yeah!!"

Toucan Sam used what little pull he had at the station and got KAM a job once he passed all the required tests. KAM took to the job like somebody who's body was fueled by a sugar laden fluid. It was this enthusiasm that got KAM in trouble more often than not. The collateral damage caused by KAM's entrances was killing the force's bottom line. Because of this KAM was under immense pressure to solve a big case to prove his worth.

This case could be it. This could be the one that made KAM's career. Sam's too.

It was standing next to the corpse while it was being loaded on the gurney when that realization hit KAM like a ton of bricks. He was going to solve this case if it was the last thing he did on Earth.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Snowblind

Ok so when I leave for work today it's cloudy and about 45 degrees. When I leave work to come home it's 30 degrees, and were amidst a full blown blizzard type snow storm. It was 50 degrees yesterday!!!!! I Love Chicago. Here's a pic from my cell phone of the crazy snow.

It's disgusting. The one thing about snow though, is that even though it's generally a huge pain in the ass, the world never looks prettier than when it's covered in snow. Everything just looks so peaceful.

So let's see, what did I do today? Not much really. I slept until 2PM. That's the latest I've slept in a long time. I was up late watching Panger in a poker tournament. I originally woke up at 11, but the next thing I knew it was 2. Crazy shit. I then checked a few things on the net and watched some tv before heading off to work. Work was incredibly slow, mostly due to the weather. I sat around bored most of the night. I had everything that I needed to get done finished by about 730. Problem was I was scheduled to be there until midnight. So I kinda just did odd jobs here and there to pass the time. Other than that not too much happened in my life.

I did happen upon an interesting story in the Chicago Sun Times tonight though that inspired a new feature for the blog. It's called WHY I HATE PEOPLE. I hope you like our first installment. Here it is.....

WHY I HATE PEOPLE

http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-alone20.html

That's good mothering right there. How absolutely perfect is it that she ditched her kids for Springer? These types of things aren't accidents. Those poor poor kids. Sure the mother only has to do 30 days, meanwhile her kids are stuck with a life sentence. They don't even have a chance. I mean I used to watch Jerry Springer when it was first catching on while I was in high school. That was mainly due to the fact I didn't have cable in my bedroom, and I was in high school. I wasn't exactly a mature human being. These days I can't watch the show for more than 20 seconds without getting nauseous.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

Suffering for My "Art"

Sorry guys. I've written two new columns already today and I'm kinda just all written out. I'm only given so much brilliance to work with each day, and your Hero is tapped. So here are some hot chicks to keep you goin.

Also My Name is Earl, and The Office are about to come on. So I have to watch them. Plus I got Wedding Crashers, Rushmore, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force Vol. 4 on DVD today. So I'm pry gonna watch those.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom