Poker Post!!!!

So I got 4th place in another tournament today for $223. It's nice and all, but dammit I'm sick of 4th place. I want to win one. Don't believe me? Then why did I write this column on Full Tilt Forum?

(Cuz not all of my readers here go near the Forum. This is a REPOST!)



A little over a week ago I posted a column about recent struggles I had been having at the poker tables. I also had keyed in on what I thought my problem was, and went back to the tables with no other goal than to play angry. It worked right away, as I won a $20 SNG, All In Or Fold (Lots of strategery used in this tournament.), and finished 4th in a $20 Omaha MTT for a nice score.

Well, that run has continued since it started. Right now I am in a zone when I am at the table. It isn't something I have the capability to describe, but I'm sure some of you have been there, and know what I mean. Literally everything I do is coming up roses. I'm making all the right reads when I need to, bluffing at the right pots, etc. Let's take a look at the numbers:

I have played in 20 public tournaments (Sit and go's and Private MTT's are not included in these numbers.)

• In 13 of those tournaments I have finished in the money.
• In 6 of those tournaments I have reached the Final Table.
• My highest finish in any of them was 2nd.
• I have made a net profit of $926.42 in these 20 tournaments.
  

It's a pretty good week, and I'm happy with it. One part of it I'm not happy with though, and it's eating me up inside.

I have not won a tournament since August 2005.

I have won 11 tournaments online in my lifetime. (I've only been playing online for about 15 months. Again Privates and SNG's aren't included in these numbers) 7 have been here on Full Tilt (Including the very first tournament I ever played on this site, a $5 NLHE.) 2 on PokerStars, and 2 on Ultimate Bet.

Now I am not complaining really cuz I am having a very decent amount of success lately. The fact I am not winning any of these tournaments is getting very frustrating though. In just about every Final Table I've reached in this span I have played VERY WELL during the tournament, then at the Final Table I shafted. I have not ONCE gotten all my money in at the Final Table with the worst hand in the entire run. (Ok, well, after I get the screw job and I'm stuck with 4x the BB I have gotten all my money in with the worst hand.) If people have trouble believing that feel free to PM me and I'll email you each hand.

Obviously losing with the best hand is a common occurrence in this game, but timing is also key. It's getting to a point, that while I'm in the first stages of a tournament leading up to the final table, I have all the confidence in the world. I know I'm going to get there, it's just a matter of how many chips will I have. Then I get to the Final Table, and it's more like "Wait for it......wait for it...I have AA....here it comes."

So the thought crossed my mind, "Maybe since I'm expecting bad things to happen I'm doing something with my play that is causing bad stuff to happen." So I have been going over hand histories from Final Tables, and for the most part I can't see anything I wouldn't normally do at any point in time.

In today's tournament, I was inspired by Clovis' power of position posts yesterday. For a while I had set up my computer so my hole cards were blocked and I couldn't see them until I actually HAD to know what I had. (The now famous K6 hand was actually during this period. I knew what I had after he went all in though, as I moved the hackey sack OUT of the way.) I was using my position well throughout the entire tournament. Got to the final table as the short stack. I noticed everybody was sitting on their ass trying to move up a payspot or two and played accordingly. I stole enough antes, and won one large enough pot to become chipleader with 7 players remaining. I then hovered in the top 2 the rest of the way, until we were 4 handed. I was in the SB(Small Blind) and I looked down at QQ. I made a standard 3x the BB(Big Blind) raise. The player in the BB sat there for a few seconds and then went all in for 50,000 more. I called pretty quickly and was left with 5,000. BB showed A 9, and of course flopped an Ace.

So next thing I knew I had 5K, and I finished in 4th place.

So I figured maybe I need to play more SNG's(Sit and Go's, 9 player tournaments) to get used to playing at a final table, and over the last 2 weeks I have played more SNG's than I probably had in the last 4 months combined. I'm winning a majority of the one's I'm playing in too.

So what the hell am I doing wrong? (That's rhetorical BTW. No need to start an argument.)

I'm sick and tired of 2nd place, 3rd place, and 4th place. I want first. I miss it.

Chance Encounter With An Old Friend

Ok. So I was downloading a whole bunch of stuff yesterday. I got Jay-Z's Black Album (B), Kanye's College Dropout (A-), and Kanye's Late Registration (B). While I was downloading those I was also downloading porn cuz that's what you do with computers. You download porn.

So I downloaded this one video, it's like 45 minutes long. I start playing it while I'm burning CD's. Its like a Girls Gone Wild type deal, I think it was called "In The VIP" or something. The deal is these guys go to a club, find some drunk, high, stupid girls, take em to a hotel, have sex with them, and film the whole thing. It's great.

This was no ordinary porn though. They start talking to a brown haired girl who looks familiar to me. Blah blah blah, 10 minutes later we're in the hotel room with the brown haired girl, her blonde friend and 4 guys. Well the blonde friend appears to be on around 4 hits of X, cuz her pupils are about 3 inches wide, and she just looks out of it. She has enough of her wits about her to have sex with 2 guys though. Anyway while watching I have figured out who the brown haired girl reminds me of.

No.

You're kidding.

It couldn't be!!!

Then she gets naked

IT IS!!!!!

It's my ex girlfriend. I shit you not. I haven't seen her in 7 years, and when I last did she was blonde. Now she's a brunette and there is a guy who apparently heard there is an oil reserve inside her, cuz he's drilling away.

I had no idea what to think, all I know is I couldn't watch it anymore. I loved her once, and I don't hate her now, so I just couldn't watch. Immediately I felt kinda sad. I mean, when we dated in high school, she was no angel, but I figured it was just your run of the mill teenage rebellion. Now she's appearing in a porno on the internet.If I had any idea where the hell she was I would try to get in contact with her, but I don't, and really there isn't much point in it. What would I say? "Hey I saw you the other day!" Whatever, it's kind of depressing, let's move on.

Holy shit I don't have anything else to say.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Rested and Ready for Things and Stuff

Hello there!

First off, its gonna take a while to get used to this sight.

Good Luck in Oakland Frank.

Not too much to report on. Had the last few days off, and didn't do much but laundry and cleaning up around the place. I'm happy cuz Panger is home from her brief stay in the hospital, and she's ok. That bitch had me worried for a while.

On the poker front I been pretty good. I've broken out of my slump and finished third in a HORSE tournament today. (For those not in the know, HORSE is a combo game. Each level rotates from Hold em, Omaha Hi Lo, Razz, Seven card Stud, and Stud Hi Lo {E is for stud Eight or better}) So you have to know how to play every game. Luckily for me, I do. I finished in third, but had a large chiplead when it got to the final three. Unfortunately I had managed to play the entire tournament without getting screwed, so I was due when we got down to three. The screw job came (TWICE) and I ended up finishing in third. I was really pissed at the time, but it's hard to complain about $120 for 3 hours work really.

After the tournament I went to Brixie's with Bill and Tony. Once there we met up with Billy Marco (who was working the door) and Chris Gedenk. We played pool for money, and I ended up breaking even on the night. So I got to drink for free!! Kinda. Can't complain about that now can we?

So all in all, good 2 days off. Room's clean, Panger's alive, and I made money while drinking beer. Sounds like I win.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

The Sugar Chronicles-Chapter One

(This is the first chapter of many in this story. I'm going to post it one chapter at a time. As for when chapter 2 will be posted, I don't know. I'm not finished writing it yet.)


It was a rainy day and Lt. Grubstein was tired. This homicide he was now investigating was just the perfect end to his perfect day. As his fellow officers surveyed the scene around him taking photos and being careful not to touch anything Grubstein was baffled by the scene.

The victim had been stabbed repeatedly with something. The wounds didn't appear to be from a knife. The other observation that startled Grubstein was the location of the stab wounds. None were made above the victim's waist. She'd been stabbed to death over 35 times in the legs.

"It's like a child did this." said officer Ericson.

"I was thinking the same thing," replied Grubstein, "but how? How could a small child stab an adult 35 times? It doesn't make sense."

"I never said it made sense sir. I just said it seems that way," answered Ericson. "Do you really think a kid did this?"

"I don't know what to think anymore Ericson. I've been doing this job for 30 years, and I've seen shit that no man should have to see."

Then in the distance a rumbling could be heard. The entire home began to shake.

"Oh fuck." muttered Grubstein.

That's when the wall was blown open, spewing debris and dust everywhere.

"OH YEAH!!!" bellowed the large silhouette standing where the wall once was.

"God dammit Kool-Aid Man!! When will you fucking learn to use the door!?"

"Relax Grubstein," said the bird who flew in after Kool-Aid Man, "he's just excited to be on the beat. You know how these rookies get."

"Who in the hell told you about this murder? How did you find it?" demanded Grubstein.

"Why I just followed my nose." answered the bird, also known as Toucan Sam.

"Well don't fucking touch anything," ordered Grubstein, "Do you understand that fat ass?"

"OH YEAH!!"

Toucan Sam and his partner, Kool-Aid Man, took a look around the scene to see what they could figure out. Their position on the force was seen as more of a nuisance by Grubstein and the other officers. Something about commercial cartoon characters working on human cases just didn't sit right with the human officers. There was a new Civil Rights movement taking place in America, but it was more on a government level than a personal one. Even though Toucan Sam had been on the force for over 10 years, and aided in solving numerous crimes, he was never really accepted.

Sam started off on the force as more of a police dog than an officer. His exceptional sense of smell was his strong suit. Over time working on cases he also developed the mental acumen it takes to solve a murder. With all the Cartoon Civil Rights legislature passed under George Bush in 2001 Sam was promoted to a position in the force historically reserved for humans. He earned numerous Awards of Merit from City Hall for all the cats he helped out of trees. (15 total, 7 of which ended up in the tree cuz they were chasing Sam.) In other words, despite the lack of respect he received, he was one of the best cops on the force.

Kool-Aid Man had only been an officer for 6 months. For the previous 10 years, since being forced into early retirement by the Kool-Aid company, Kool-Aid Man (KAM for short) worked many odd jobs. He lived in New York for many years in hopes of acting on Broadway. Unfortunately due to his limited vocabulary (All he can say is "Oh yeah") he was only offered a few bit parts in off-off Broadway productions. KAM then worked as a waiter, gas station attendant, porno fluffer, and at one point resorted to letting kids drink from his skull for a dollar a glass. Once his parent company, Kool-Aid, found out they threatened to sue so KAM stopped selling his blood on the street. He was never the type to break any kind of law, which ultimately led to his desire to enfore them.

It was a chance encounter at the local gentleman's club, Big Floppy's, that KAM would meet his future partner. The two hit it off right from the start while admiring the strippers.

"Do you see the ass on that one? I'd like to follow more than just my nose up there."

"Oh yeah!!"

Toucan Sam used what little pull he had at the station and got KAM a job once he passed all the required tests. KAM took to the job like somebody who's body was fueled by a sugar laden fluid. It was this enthusiasm that got KAM in trouble more often than not. The collateral damage caused by KAM's entrances was killing the force's bottom line. Because of this KAM was under immense pressure to solve a big case to prove his worth.

This case could be it. This could be the one that made KAM's career. Sam's too.

It was standing next to the corpse while it was being loaded on the gurney when that realization hit KAM like a ton of bricks. He was going to solve this case if it was the last thing he did on Earth.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Snowblind

Ok so when I leave for work today it's cloudy and about 45 degrees. When I leave work to come home it's 30 degrees, and were amidst a full blown blizzard type snow storm. It was 50 degrees yesterday!!!!! I Love Chicago. Here's a pic from my cell phone of the crazy snow.

It's disgusting. The one thing about snow though, is that even though it's generally a huge pain in the ass, the world never looks prettier than when it's covered in snow. Everything just looks so peaceful.

So let's see, what did I do today? Not much really. I slept until 2PM. That's the latest I've slept in a long time. I was up late watching Panger in a poker tournament. I originally woke up at 11, but the next thing I knew it was 2. Crazy shit. I then checked a few things on the net and watched some tv before heading off to work. Work was incredibly slow, mostly due to the weather. I sat around bored most of the night. I had everything that I needed to get done finished by about 730. Problem was I was scheduled to be there until midnight. So I kinda just did odd jobs here and there to pass the time. Other than that not too much happened in my life.

I did happen upon an interesting story in the Chicago Sun Times tonight though that inspired a new feature for the blog. It's called WHY I HATE PEOPLE. I hope you like our first installment. Here it is.....

WHY I HATE PEOPLE

http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-alone20.html

That's good mothering right there. How absolutely perfect is it that she ditched her kids for Springer? These types of things aren't accidents. Those poor poor kids. Sure the mother only has to do 30 days, meanwhile her kids are stuck with a life sentence. They don't even have a chance. I mean I used to watch Jerry Springer when it was first catching on while I was in high school. That was mainly due to the fact I didn't have cable in my bedroom, and I was in high school. I wasn't exactly a mature human being. These days I can't watch the show for more than 20 seconds without getting nauseous.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

Suffering for My "Art"

Sorry guys. I've written two new columns already today and I'm kinda just all written out. I'm only given so much brilliance to work with each day, and your Hero is tapped. So here are some hot chicks to keep you goin.

Also My Name is Earl, and The Office are about to come on. So I have to watch them. Plus I got Wedding Crashers, Rushmore, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force Vol. 4 on DVD today. So I'm pry gonna watch those.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

My New Column

The good folks over at Full Tilt Forum (http://fulltiltforum.com) have given me a new column. It has basically replaced my old poker blog, and even has the same name. Though it won't be strictly poker, so if you are ever interested in reading it I added it to my links on the right of the page. If you don't give a shit, you don't give a shit. I can respect that.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Soundtrack To My Life

Found this on Myspace. Filled it out, and now I present it to you.

Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits:	First Day of My Life-Bright Eyes
Waking up:	Wake Up-Korn
Average day:	Killing Time-(hed)pe
First date:	We're Going To Be Friends-The White Stripes
Falling in love:	Lovecore (Welcome to)-Boy Hits Car
Love scene:	Here In My Room-Incubus
Fight scene:	People=Shit-Slipknot
Breaking up:	I Am Trying To Break Your Heart-Wilco
Getting back together:	Why Bother?-Weezer
Secret love:	Closer-Nine Inch Nails
Life's okay:	I'm Not Ok-My Chemical Romance
Mental breakdown:	Am I Going Crazy?-Korn
Driving:	Drive-Incubus
Learning a lesson:	D'oh!!-Homer Simpson
Deep thought:	Dazed and Confused-Led Zeppelin
Flashback:	Only In Dreams-Weezer
Partying:	It's On!-Korn
Happy dance:	Chop Suey!-System of a Down
Regreting:	Wasted Years-Cold
Long night alone:	The Good That Won't Come Out-Rilo Kiley
Death scene:	Nice To Know You-Incubus
Closing credits:	A Shot In The Arm-Wilco
Take this survey Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Stupid New Shirt Alert

If you can find a better T-shirt than the one I just bought for $1.25 I say Buy it! What kind of shirt is it? I'll show you, also notice my "I'm a Bad ass" facial expression while wearing such a stupid shirt. I'm THAT cool.
(Girls being sucked into my magnetic pull not shown)

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

I Like 67

Ok, so to blow off some steam last night due to the Bears loss I figured I'd go to the Forum table and mess around. Ran into a new Top 5 Favorite Hands, 67.

I enjoy the commentary between me and Virge in this hand. Also when I put in "meant to fold." I really did before the flop. Went to click fold and hit call by accident. Worked out well.


Full Tilt Poker Game #385814620: Table FullTiltForum.com - $0.10/$0.25 - No Limit Hold'em - 2:12:58 ET - 2006/01/16
Seat 1: TomFornelli ($25.85)
Seat 2: olddogs ($101.15)
Seat 3: Jeltz ($14.50)
Seat 4: DeanoTee ($10)
Seat 5: PostModernBoy ($42.95)
Seat 6: steeler247 ($19.75)
Seat 7: Oxer ($93.95)
Seat 8: Pyrophoric ($27.25)
Seat 9: Virge ($44.10)
Virge posts the small blind of $0.10
TomFornelli posts the big blind of $0.25
The button is in seat #8
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to TomFornelli [7s 6h]
olddogs folds
Jeltz calls $0.25
DeanoTee calls $0.25
PostModernBoy folds
steeler247 folds
Oxer calls $0.25
Pyrophoric folds
Virge raises to $1
TomFornelli calls $0.75
Jeltz folds
Virge: <--- stealing Tom's blind
DeanoTee calls $0.75
Oxer calls $0.75
*** FLOP *** [7d 6c 6d]
TomFornelli: <----missed fold
Virge bets $3
Virge: <-- misclick
TomFornelli calls $3
Virge: <-- meant to be all in
DeanoTee folds
Oxer folds
*** TURN *** [7d 6c 6d] [Ts]
TomFornelli: <---needs to fold
Virge checks
TomFornelli bets $8
Virge: <-- bluffing
Virge raises to $16
TomFornelli: <----isnt
TomFornelli raises to $21.85, and is all in
steeler247: ruh roh
Virge: chit
steeler247: :)
Virge calls $5.85
TomFornelli shows [7s 6h]
Virge shows [Ad Qd]
steeler247: no outs
*** RIVER *** [7d 6c 6d Ts] [2c]
PostModernBoy: well, based on the commentary, norman chad need not fear for his job
TomFornelli shows a full house, Sixes full of Sevens
Virge shows a pair of Sixes
TomFornelli wins the pot ($51.30) with a full house, Sixes full of Sevens
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $53.95 Rake $2.65
Board: [7d 6c 6d Ts 2c]
Seat 1: TomFornelli (big blind) showed [7s 6h] and won ($51.30) with a full house, Sixes full of Sevens
Seat 2: olddogs didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: Jeltz folded before the Flop
Seat 4: DeanoTee folded on the Flop
Seat 5: PostModernBoy didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: steeler247 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: Oxer folded on the Flop
Seat 8: Pyrophoric (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: Virge (small blind) showed [Ad Qd] and lost with a pair of Sixes


Next hand

Full Tilt Poker Game #385817847: Table FullTiltForum.com - $0.10/$0.25 - No Limit Hold'em - 2:15:24 ET - 2006/01/16
Seat 1: TomFornelli ($51.30)
Seat 2: olddogs ($101.15)
Seat 3: Jeltz ($14.25)
Seat 4: DeanoTee ($9)
Seat 5: PostModernBoy ($42.95)
Seat 6: steeler247 ($19.75)
Seat 7: Oxer ($92.95)
Seat 8: Pyrophoric ($27.25)
Seat 9: Virge ($18.25)
TomFornelli posts the small blind of $0.10
olddogs posts the big blind of $0.25
The button is in seat #9
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to TomFornelli [7d 6d]
Jeltz folds
DeanoTee raises to $0.85
PostModernBoy folds
steeler247 folds
Oxer folds
Virge: lol
Pyrophoric folds
Virge adds $6.75
Virge folds
steeler247: vnh
TomFornelli calls $0.75
olddogs folds
*** FLOP *** [5h 5s 3d]
Virge: :)
Oxer: nhTomFornelli: ty
TomFornelli checks
DeanoTee bets $1.95
TomFornelli raises to $50.45, and is all in (That blowing off steam thing. I just liked my gutshot.)
DeanoTee calls $6.20, and is all in
TomFornelli shows [7d 6d]
DeanoTee shows [Ac As] (Oops!!)
Uncalled bet of $42.30 returned to TomFornelli
*** TURN *** [5h 5s 3d] [8s] (Just picked up 4 more outs)
TomFornelli: damn
*** RIVER *** [5h 5s 3d 8s] [4h] (TY.)
TomFornelli shows a straight, Eight high
DeanoTee shows two pair, Aces and Fives
steeler247: :)
TomFornelli wins the pot ($17.35) with a straight, Eight high
TomFornelli: lmao
DeanoTee is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $18.25 Rake $0.90
Board: [5h 5s 3d 8s 4h]
Seat 1: TomFornelli (small blind) showed [7d 6d] and won ($17.35) with a straight, Eight high
Seat 2: olddogs (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: Jeltz didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: DeanoTee showed [Ac As] and lost with two pair, Aces and Fives
Seat 5: PostModernBoy didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: steeler247 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: Oxer didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: Pyrophoric didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: Virge (button) didn't bet (folded)

Other than that, I'm still a little down about the Bears loss yesterday. I'll get over it, don't worry. It still hurts now though, but I here Jessica Alba is good for the soul so...

Ahhhhhhhh. Wait, not enough....

Ok, well that's a start.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom

Tom Angry

Fuck you Steve Smith.

Fornelli's A Sellout

Some of you may have noticed the banners for Amazon.com on the right side of the page. Yes it's true, I've become a corporate whore. All I ask is that if you plan on buying something on Amazon in the future, just go there through my link. It will help contribute to my reading habit in the future, and reading is fundamental. You do want me to be fundamental don't you?

Did you know Charlize Theron is not only hot, but she smokes marijuana? Don't believe me? Check this out.

That's an odd way to eat an apple. I've never lit mine on fire before. Crazy South Africans and their silly eating habits. Does she put her burrito in a blender?

Seriously though, judging by the smile on her face in that last picture, at least it was good pot.

I spent the entire day at Jack King's house doing some work for him. I was basically nothing but a maid. I cleaned his entire basement, and it's a nice basement. It has the huge couch, the recliner, a big screen TV, a bar, a pool table, a foosball table, a dart board, two live grenades, and TONS of alcohol. I would pay Jack $1,000 a month just to live in his basement. It's a single man's wet dream.

After I was done in the basement I moved upstairs to start with the carpet cleaning. I cleaned every rug and piece of carpet in that entire house. The hardest part was Jack's bedroom. We had to move all the furniture in it into the bathroom so Jack could paint in it. (Yes that's right, all of Jack's furniture, including the king size bed, fit into his bathroom. I would pay Jack $500 a month to live in that bathroom. It has a TV, and I could sleep in the tub.) All in all I worked 8 and a half hours at Jack's before I was finally finished. I did get paid a pretty handsome fee to thank me for the nice work.

Also this morning I was woken up by Ms. Donna calling me at 8AM. We've had a weird path since I left Champaign. We have gone from drunk dialing each other at 4AM to giving each other wake up calls at 8AM. Maybe it's a sign of growing up? I just hope that by the time were both 30 we'll actually be able to talk cuz we call each other at Noon. I think I'm gonna call her at 8AM tomorrow. I have to be up for work then anyway, and she'll probably be sleeping off a long night of drinking, so it works.

The Bears play on Sunday against Carolina. Biggest football game in this town in 4 years. Go Bears. Win or I'll kill you.

Also thanks for those that gave me input into what White Sox jersey I should get. I'm glad to report that I still haven't made up my damn mind. I will though, someday, hopefully before Opening Day next year.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

Sup My Peoples?

Nothing goin on, I updated my sports column today, so if you're inclined.....read it.

I have to be up early tomorrow cuz I'm going to help Jack King out with some stuff at his house. He's repainting, and wants me to move furniture, clean carpets, etc. I'm getting paid good to do it, so I don't mind using my day off for it.

Also I just love this picture

P.S. I love the Daily Show

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

My Poker Blog is No More

I deleted my poker blog, My Side of the Felt, from existence. I just don't update it enough. It's mostly due to writing here, and the sports column. Any major accomplishments in poker I will post here, but I won't be doing any kind of analysis or anything.

Also when Full Tilt Forum moves to a new server in the coming weeks, I will be having a column there, so any poker writing of mine will be found there.

Keeping It Real Since 1980,
Tom Fornelli

Tom Cruise and The Aqua Dinos

Hey everybody. How the hell are ya? No, I don't really care.

So I was reading Bill Simmons column last week and I noticed him talking about Tom Cruise. He said that everybody thinks Cruise is crazy now (He is.) but nobody realizes he was crazy all along. Simmons said he came upon the movie Cocktail and he noticed Cruise was crazy.

Well I didn't think much of this, but I rented War of the Worlds On Demand the other night, and basically studied Cruise. He IS insane. You can see it in his eyes, and in his smile. He has that Jack Nicholson as the Joker kinda smile. Of course War of the Worlds was made recently during Cruise's newly discovered crazy span. I couldn't be fully convinced....until last night. I was supposed to go to bed so I could get some sleep for work today, but then I saw it. On Encore in like 15 minutes, Cocktail was coming on. I hadn't seen the movie in years, and I never really liked it anyway, but now.......now I just HAD to watch it. I had to see if all I heard was true.

So I grabbed a Red Stripe, and planted my ass in the Lazy Boy. I literally studied Cruise and his mannerisms in this film like I had a final on it Monday morning. Simmons was right. It was all there. Every thing about him that freaks me out now, was evident in him then too. It's hard to explain it really, you have to see it. I'm telling you its on Encore all month. If you have the channel look for it...watch it...you'll see.

Not to mention I can see where the gay rumors start about Cruise. Whether he is or not, I don't know, and I don't care. It's just watching Cruise in the love scenes in Cocktail he looks incredibly uncomfortable and lost. Like he's never kissed a woman. I swear to god watch the first scene with him and Gina Gershon, it looks like he's trying to head butt her, not kiss her.

Then I remembered watching a bit of Tom Cruise on Inside the Actor's Studio. That was when I first started noticing Cruise's insanity myself. I mean he literally will laugh at ANY joke, and he wont just laugh. He will give you that deep loud AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAahahahahahahahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

And he literally won't stop for 25 minutes. It's terrifying.

Please don't sue me Tom. I'm just keepin it real.

Speaking of crazy, do I have a fun story for you. My co worker Tony Moy is convinced there are a bunch of US Military jets on the bottom of Lake Michigan. Why? I have absolutely no fucking idea. He just does. So Angel and I had to figure out why the jets are there. I mean it's better than working right?

Well we quickly ruled out that there was a secret Canadian/US war back in the day. Canada never bombed Minnesota, no matter how badly I wanted to believe it was true. So no there were no great dogfights over Lake Michigan.

That's when the epiphany came. That epiphany?

Dinosaurs.

The live in Lake Michigan man!!! Dinosaurs live in an underwater city on the bottom of Lake Michigan. We call it Jurassic Water Park. Anyway they live in a big plastic bubble (Think Travolta and the Boy in the Plastic Bubble, only this bubble is a gazillion times bigger. Big enough to fit a whole underwater dino city.)

It's all true. (Previous and following statements are all lies. Well not the Cruise stuff.)

You see, Dinosaurs evolved. They grew smarter, and began to rely less on there eating skills. They developed a common language, and began to communicate. TRex's and Triceratopseses would bond over a chess board, and conversation. Of course in this new ecosystem new diseases developed for the Dinos. One of these diseases was cancer. Dinos though, being significantly more advanced than humans, were able to find a cure.

Well the American Government had known about the dinos for a while. They just hadn't figured out a fool proof way to exploit them for profit yet, so they kept everything under wraps. UCIA (the U is for underwater, the CIA is for CIA) officials came upon intelligence that suggested the Dinos had cured cancer. How they did this, I'm not sure, seeing how we have no comprehension of the Aqua Dino language. Anyway, these are menial facts not worth worrying about.

Humans needed that cure. The Government NEEDED that cure. Do you know how much they could charge us for it!? The Government finally found a way to exploit the Aqua Dinos. So on February 13th, 1983 President Ronald Reagan ordered an attack on Jurassic Water Park. Obviously Ron couldn't go through Congress for this one. He didn't feel like explaining to America and the world about the Aqua Dinos. (Lucky for you, I don't mind.)

The mission failed horribly, as it wasn't until after the dive bombings Reagan remembered that planes are for flying and not swimming. Unfortunately this warned the Dinos that they were in danger and they used their superior intellects to develop some bad ass weapons to blow all of us to holy hell. So we have no choice but to leave them alone.

They seem content to live under the waters of Lake Michigan, in private, and in peace. Will they ever come back to the surface to take their revenge on us? We just don't know, but you know what I do know?

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom Fornelli

Doobie Doobie Dooo

I have absolutely nothing to say. I just feel I should fill in a post with something.

Let's see. I'm sad that Notre Dame lost the Fiesta Bowl. I'm happy that Penn State won the Orange Bowl.

The best thing that happened after Notre Dame lost though was Kevin and I destroying everybody in darts. If only Brady Quinn could throw footballs like we do darts......sigh. Also watching Joe go from mildly buzzed to completely obliterated in 1.3 seconds was interesting. We were all in shock as to how it happened so fast. My theory? Roofies. I think Ted's stalker/our waitress intended for Teddy to get the mickey, but Joe got it by accident. I have no evidence though.

Also I watched the Texas/USC game on tape after work last night. Great game, but not GREAT in my opinion. I tend to like defense, and well there was absolutely none of that in the game. Even at the start when it was low scoring it wasn't cuz of defense. It was due to turnovers. Plus WTF was Reggie Bush thinking with that lateral!? Oh wait, I know.

"I'm Reggie Fucking Bush."

I also love the fact that since Bush's lateral went as a lost fumble it was a bonehead play. 10 minutes later when Vince Young did it (even though his knee was down) it was a great play. Gotta love that results oriented opinion.

Other than that I don't know. I really have nothing to talk about. Sorry.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,
Tom

New Years Celebration

It started out at Joel's apartment, and it ended with me eating McDonalds on the L train.

Um, things are kinda hazy from the night. I may have imbibed a bit. There are a few verbal exchanges that I can remember I found to be funny. I'll give you those and then post some purty pictures.

This first one was while riding in Leemer's new car on the way to Kevin's.

Me: Dude. Does this thing have heated seats?

Leemer: Ya, why?

Me: Just wanted to make sure I wasn't pissing myself.

Then there was this one after I lost to an asian girl in air hockey. (On purpose!! I'd been playing for like a half hour and wanted to get back to the party.)

Leemer:You just lost to an asian girl!! IN HOCKEY!! Asian girls can't play hockey!"

Me. You ever heard of Kristi Yamaguchi or Michelle Kwan!?

Anyway onto pictures!!!!

Silvio outside of our kind of video store.

Leemer playing air hockey. Something we spent entirely too much time doing. Kaleem was the last person to win not named

Silvio and Leemer acting very sober. And gay.

Yep, we're THOSE guys.

The Drunk Face Kevin is sporting in this picture with Sarah is absolutely priceless. I would like to blow it up and make a poster of it. I mean it's destined for the McCahill basement Wall of Fame.

Actually in fact...I think we're gonna need a closeup to truly confirm Drunk Face Greatness.

1. Glazed Look In Eyes-Check
2. Mouth open, tongue looking for freedom-Check
3. Disheveled hair-Check
4. Red Cheeks-Check
5. An Irish Guy-Check

It's official. 5 outta 5. Ladies and Gentleman, we have a Drunk Face. This is Ted Kennedy territory too. Congrats Kev. I'll be sure to give this one to the parents.

Keepin It Real Since 1980,

Tom